Today, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to think of ways to improvise a foam roller to open my shoulders. That activity was interspersed with looking up the price of new foam rollers and whether ti was worth the money and space investment. And, feeling guilty about being so thrifty. I kept oscillating between these three activities, to the point where I felt I was going a little mad. Finally, it struck me that I could use two steel bottles taped together, and I felt a wave of joy. Nothing pleases a miser more than the prospect of saving money. 

I often feel guilty about being a cheapskate and I spend buckets of time wondering whether I am being too cheap.  But, today, it struck me that I am much more generous when it comes to spending money on other people than on myself, and that is something to be proud of. There are plenty of people whose generosity swings the other way. As someone who is or at least tries to be very self-aware, I have a tendency to pathologize every aspect of my personhood that I am not proud of. It is easy to see it when others are doing it to themselves, and more difficult when you are doing it to yourself. One can feel guilty about an imprudent purchase and feel equally guilty about being a cheapskate. Or one can practice fighting guilt and have faith in one's mind and emotional self to do what is most useful at that point in time.