Performativity and Protest

I have been to six protest for Palestine in London and Bristol in the past three weeks. Before the first protest, I wrote how it felt more meaningful to protest because the government was intimidating protestors, especially immigrants. I found the sense of solidarity that comes from marching with hundreds and thousands of people empowering. That has not been the case in the past two protests. To be sure, the point of a protest is not to improve your own  feel good about oneself, so I find it a bit self-centered to point this out. But, the protests are starting to feel a bit performative, now that there is no danger of them being banned. I saw on social media some people calling for an escalation of tactics beyond point A to point B marches. Sisters Uncut, a feminist group, occupied Waterloo station for a few hours before being threatened with arrest. Of course, to engage in direct action, you need to be prepared to be arrested, and all the hassle that comes if you are charged. I don't agree with all Just Stop Oil's actions, but I respect them for putting themselves in the rifle sights of a viciously right-wing Tory government and a hostile judiciary. Even if I was a citizen, I don't think I would be willing to get arrested. So, I find myself dissatisfied with the current way in which I am expressing dissent, while also unwilling to do anything more extreme. And, surely, I am not the only one feeling that way.

Clocks Go Back 2023

 The clocks went back today, and since some traditions are not meant to be broken, I did my cozy winter yoga session, and this blog will look back to the time the clocks changed in the spring. With regular blogging, it is easy to get caught in there here and the now, and periodically looking back over a longer period brings some much-needed perspective. The overarching theme of my spring post was that life had gotten much better compared to 2020 and 2021. And, the improvements continue. No, I didn't get the job I was gunning for, but other than that, there is not much to complain about. I went to South Asia in May and had an amazing trek in Nepal. This summer was my first without an unfinished PhD weighing me down. While I beat myself up a bit over not being too productive on the research front, I eventually accepted that it would be a slow summer. My parents visited over the summer, I took up trail-running, and I have also discovered the long-hidden activist bone in my body. I also had therapy, which helped bring some clarity as to the steps that I should take on both the professional and personal front. All in all, it was a good seven months. 

Spoke-Word Poetry Evening

 I went for my second-ever spoken-word poetry evening last Saturday, after the march for Palestine in London. The first was nearly four years ago, on the night before the 2019 general election in the UK, which I wrote about here. I, in my ignorance of British politics, was expecting a solid performance from Corbyn. All the poems that day spoke to the moment, filled us with hope, lifted us. A few hours later, the results of the exit polls would push us into a despair, but that was not the fault of the poets or their stunning poems. 

However, last Saturday was a disappointment and I am still trying to put my finger on what put me off. I felt the poems were too navel-gazey and not deserving of the majority white audience's rapturous applause (all the poets were people of colour). I am aware that most art involves navel-gazing, which is giving form to the artist's own feelings or life experiences. But, good art gives form to truths buried deep inside us which we can sense, but cannot articulate.  I am aware that I should not be too harsh. I am not a poetry afficionado at all, and maybe I was just too tired that day. In times like these, it is the easiest thing in the world to take sanctimonious positions about how other people should respond to the crisis. The poems didn't speak to the moment because they were not written for the moment. Writing cannot be a public service, and artists have to eat too. They cannot conjure up art at short notice to respond to what is happening in the world, and they should be cut some slack if the read from their published books. But, as I told my communicating economics class, the reader/listener does not owe you their attention 

Long Haul

 It has been two weeks since Hamas attacked Israel and Israel began pounding Gaza. I have been to three protests in that time, two in London and one at the university. After yesterday's protest, it struck me that this is going to be a long haul and also that I am going to be in it for the long haul. As a single, able-bodied person with no caring responsibilities the choice to step up is an easy one. Unless I have any pressing commitments over the weekend (and I usually don't) I am going to take the coach to London to protest. I am going to try not to schedule stuff on protest days. Just showing up to be counted as one of the hundreds of thousands feels like one of the few antidotes to perpetual hopelessness and despair. But, I also realise that if I am going to be in it for the long haul, I am going to have to integrate it into my life better. Spend less time doom-scrolling on Twitter and more time doing something productive for the Palestinian cause or for myself. Its not like I dropped everything in the past two weeks. Its the middle of the teaching semester, and I have also managed to keep up with exercise and trail running. But the situation in Palestine has occupied most of my waking thoughts, which is not good for my mental well-being. There is also the matter of improving my job prospects by trying to get papers published and then finding a job. There is no point in beating myself up over the time I have already wasted in the past two weeks. Everything about the last two evenings has been precedented--the attack, the retaliation, the mobilization in response to the retaliation. But I need to get used to the extraordinariness of this topic and stop giving it so much headspace. Try to publish some papers or find a job, both for my personal and professional sakes.. 

Speed-Friending

 I attended at staff speed-friending event at uni yesterday. Before the event, I was not feeling very social, what with the state of the world and all. But, I'm glad I went, if nothing else to take my mind off Gaza. The idea was we had four minutes to speak to a person before moving to the next one. It was as exhausting as it sounds. Four minutes is not enough time to scope out if there is platonic potential.  Unless you have a niche passion that the other person shares, and you both revel in the discovery, you spend a few minutes just covering the bases. What do you do at uni, how long have you been in Bristol, etc. hen you are speaking to a stranger, all talk is small talk as you both gauge each other's boundaries and preferences. What sort of jokes will/won't land with this person? Can I mention my political leanings. With some people you instantly discover a connection, but with most friendships it is a slow burn. I wouldn't be friends with most of my friends if we just had  four minutes to decide. I often look back and am amazed by the gulf between my initial perceptions of some friends and how I see them now. 

With speed-friending the stakes are also lower, and one wouldn't bother pursuing someone unless you got along on like a house on fire in the four minutes you talked. But, I still do think speed dating could work, even if speed-friending is tedious. Four minutes is enough time to gauge attraction based on looks and personality. And, since dating is higher stakes, one is more willing to give people another chance, since "what if they are the one?". 

Falling Out over Political Views

 I fell out with an acquaintance today over our differing views on Palestine ( he doesn't have a link to this blog). There was little prospect of a roaring friendship with him, so I am not disappointed. I do appreciate I have strong views about Palestine, but I am open to listening other points of view. With acquaintances especially, I am also open to severing ties if my views are a deal-breaker to the other person. Ties can be severed respectfully and without drama. Life is too short to spend interacting with people who make you angry. That said, telling an acquaintance that you would rather not meet again makes it sound like you are ending things with a date, which sounds a bit naff? In this case, I was fortunate that the acquaintance ended things, because I was getting tired of the conversation. I also like the phrase he used "I thinks it best to step back from this. Thanks". I interpreted this as him wanting to end our acquaintanceship, and I quickly acquiesced. It is only later that I realised that he may have meant that he wanted to step back from the conversation. Either way, its too late now. 

Feeling Fortified

I feel fortified after participating in the march for Palestine in London today. The past week has been an endless litany of distressing news coming out of the Middle East. Western governments have taken unconscionably immoral positions and are doing the best to stifle protest. But, today, surrounded by like-minded people who had shrugged of the government's clumsy threats and turned up in huge numbers.  I felt happy and hopeful for the first time in days. Despite our anger at Israel's treatment of Gaza, the vibe was love, not hate, and there were plenty of smiles. it turns out that more than a hundred thousand people attended, with the Guardian writing that most attended had ignored the home secretary's warning that displaying the Palestinian flag may be illegal. Today, I didn't feel powerless and frustrated. To be sure, we may not be able to change the UK government's policy, which usually mirrors the US government. After all, one million march against the invasion of Iraq in 2003 had not been able to stop it. But, the mega-marches seared into the public record the fact that that was  deeply unpopular and tarnished Blair's legacy. And, it radicalized a generation of young people who would never again look at Britain as a benevolent empire. Who knows what positive developments the current protest will set into motion?

Do Whatever Makes You Sleep Better At Night

This week, I struggled to focus on work because of the news coming out of Israel and Gaza. So, deciding to travel to London to attend a pro-Palestine protest was a no-brainer for me. After the Hamas' horrifying strike on Saturday, no one with any familiarity with the current Israeli government would have had any doubt that they would respond mercilessly and disproportionately. What caught many of us by surprise was the vigorous and unconditional support they got from Western governments and the media. It felt like if white or white-adjacent lives were at stake, there was no limit on the number of innocent brown or black lives that could be sacrificed. Even if the sacrifice has no bearing on the outcome for the hostages, and is purely ritualistic. 

I spread the message of the protest, but got a less-than-enthusiastic response.  I am in no position to judge anyone, since I haven't participated in any of the lecturers' union strikes. One of my mottos is do whatever makes you feel better at night, and attending this protest will definitely help me sleep better. 

France and Germany have already outlawed pro-Palestine protest (Liberte, Equalite and Fraternite is for white people only) and I am sure the UK government is considering doing the same. A news report said might expel migrants who express support for Hamas and outlaw the display of the Palestinian flag. When I heard this it strengthened my resolve to join the protest. The only way to prevent the space for dissent from shrinking is to put more bodies in it. I don't enjoy the performative element of protesting. When the stakes are higher, when you are putting yourself at risk by protesting, it feels much more meaningful. And, any political action, whether it is to prevent climate action or stopping genocide, has to be fought on the streets, and has to be prepared to face state violence. As Marx said, "Philosophers have hitherto only interpreted the world in various ways. The point, however, is to change it."

Israel and Gaza

 I spent most of this weekend on Twitter, following the events in Israel and Gaza. There are so many things I could write about: the unforgivable double standards of the West, the silence of some self-proclaimed decolonial scholars, how social media becomes a rabbit hole during big events, how it pushes you into an impotent rage, which can only be quelled by consuming more content and becoming angrier. How you almost obsessively start checking Twitter accounts of the people you follow to see which side of the issue they stand on. Maybe because I am tired, but I feel like there is nothing more to say on any of these issues. Am unprecedented event happened, and I was hooked by it this weekend, end of story. Such a large part of being wise seems to involve learning to not beat yourself up about stuff, large and small, and move on. We continually find new ways to beat ourselves up, so we must continually learn how not to. 

Trail Running Update

I now have a better sense of what to expect after a long trail run. If its a rough run the exhaustion hits you immediately after you stop. After smoother runs, you ride the endorphin wave for an hour or so before exhaustion sets in, usually after you are showered and fed. This week's 10 mile run felt much easier than last week's slightly shorter but faster run. At first, I thought it was because one member of the group (not me!) was slowing us down. But, when I looked at Strava after the run, we were just 10 seconds/km off last week's pace, which the leader said was pacier-than-usual because we followed a shorter route. So, it turns out I just had fresher legs. Or, that I am slowly getting used to trail running. Talking to others, I realised how ridiculous my expectations were. It turns out everyone struggles to improve their times, and recovery time is something you build into your trail running routine. On this week's run, I spoke toa guy who had run a 50km race in the Alps, and he said this was the first time in nearly four weeks that he was feeling like himself again. He said it is better to do shorter runs more frequently than longer runs that knock you out for a few days. All in all, I feel much better about trail running now. I suppose its a combination of me having gotten stronger and learning to take it a bit easy. In the past couple of runs, I have managed to hit the Zone--the near-meditative state where you feel completely at ease with your mind and your body. I feel similarly when I do a yoga with Adrienne session. One can't stay in the Zone for long--something always happens to bring you out of the trance. But, the afterglow of the Zone lingers.