On Envy (Again)

 I have written on envy before, as well as the difference between jealousy and envy, inspired by an article I read. According to the article, jealousy is aspirational--you want what the object of your jealousy has. Envy is toxic bitterness. You can't have or think you can't have what the other person has, which triggers feelings of animosity towards them. Maybe there is a third category-- you don't want what the other person has but you envy them for having what they want. For succeeding on their own terms, even if their terms of success are very different from yours. You may not want to make lots of money or have kids but you envy someone who does because they are getting what they want (or at least that's what you think they want). Compared to you, who doesn't have what you want, or even doesn't know what you want. Which just go to show, envy or jealousy is a boundless terrain. It is natural to feel envy or jealousy but its you choice to give it a legs. The world gives you enough reasons to be sad, and its a choice whether to use your creativity to come up with more. 

Self-Immolation for Gaza

The selfie video shows a young white man in army fatigues who says 'My name is Aaron Bushnell. I am an active-duty member of the United States Ait Force and I will no longer be complicit in genocide. I am about to engage in an extreme act of protest, but compared to what people have been experiencing in Palestine at the hands of their colonizers, it is no extreme at all. This is what our ruling class has decided will be normal.' He then walks silently for 20-30 seconds while carrying an open flask and stops at a gate. He places his camera phone at a distance, take his military cap out of his trouser pocket and onto his head while walking towards the fate. He then turns to face the camera and away from the gate. He douses himself with fluid and tosses the flask away. He then bend and tries to ignite his trousers with a lighter. And, this is the part that haunts me. He struggles to ignite the lighter for 10 seconds. 10 seconds when he could have changed his mind and chosen not to go ahead with his plan. He ultimately succeeds and as the flames engulf his body he shouts 'Free Palestine', and continues to chant until his voice gives way. Willing to be killed for a cause requires courage and conviction that very few people have. Choosing to kill yourself in the most excrutiating way possible for a cause requires superhuman courage and conviction. This is not the first act of self-immolation since the war in Gaza began. The first was outside the Israeli consulate in Atlanta, which barely made the news. Authorities kept such a tight leash on information that even the gender of the protestor was not revealed, much less their name. Aaron made sure his ultimate sacrifice did not go the same way. May his memory haunt Genocide Joe for the rest of his days. 

Why Take the Long Shots

There is this job opening that I couldn't make up mind whether to apply for. About a week ago, I had tentatively decided not to. But, today, which happened to be the deadline of the job application, I decided to give it a go. I went on the jobs portal and to my horror, discovered that the job opening wasn't live nay longer. I spent the next hour kicking myself for not applying earlier, while acknowledging that even if I was planning to apply, I would have waited till the last day to send the application in. In which case, I would have missed to deadline. I decided to exercise to take my mind off it, and come up with ways to answer the question "What if that job had been the one?". In my defense, how was I to know that they meant the deadline was the start of 25th February and not the end? Suddenly, it occurred to me to check the university's website, and as luck would have it, the job was still live there. I decided to leave everything and write my application. Obviously, the job is not a great fit, else I wouldn't have vacillated about applying. There are many reasons why people take long shots. I am the type of person prone to "what-ifs" and "if-onlys". My reason for applying was self-preservation. Rather than being consumed by regret, might as well bung in an application. And, today I felt cheerful after ages, mainly because I was too busy to dwell on the genocide in Gaza. Distraction and diversion are underrated self-preservation tools.  And, there is something freeing about taking long shots. There is no weight of expectations and also the feeling of empowerment that comes with taking a chance.

Stepping Up

 At last weekend's protest in London, two people on the other coach from Bristol were arrested. I had talked to one of them on a previous march. Their arrests were possibly the result of textbook police provocation. Police jump into the crowd to arrest some with a placard that they consider to be potentially antisemitic. Passions are inflamed in the crowd and more people are arrested for "assaulting an emergency worker". The guy I know who was arrested was an Indian man in his 50s who supports Extinction Rebellion. The last person you would expect to be a troublemaker. I also realized how easy it is to get caught in the police's dragnet. If the police rushes someone next to you, you can get up in the melee. I saw someone get arrested earlier that day and while I consider myself to be cool-headed I could feel the anger rising inside me. To be sure, even shielding someone vulnerable could count as assaulting a police. Enough to get you detained and give an immigrant like me a good fright, even if they don't end up pressing charges. 

As a result of the arrest, my friend and I had to step up as coach stewards as our original stewards stayed back in London to assist the arrestees. WE were then asked if we would like to play a role in organizing actions. We both agreed readily. I have a lot going on in my life at the moment, but I figured directing some energy away from fretting about Gaza and fretting about the job hunt cold only eb a good thing. 

Rafah

The past few days have not been great, as I have been oscillating between feeling distressed by the Israeli onslaught on Rafah, and feeling stressed about my job hunt. Rafah is the Southern edge of the Gaza strip, where most Gazans have evacuated to. To the East is Israel, to the South is Egypt, to the West is possibly the Gazans least hostile neighbour, the Mediterranean sea. It feels like  a moment of reckoning--either the genocide has to stop, or it will be escalate to such an extent that even Israel's most ardent apologists won't be able to defend it. The numbers are at protests are down significantly from the November peak. We protest for a number of reasons, but a big reason is so that we can sleep better at night. And, I guess some people are managing to sleep okay without turning up to protest. I don't mean to sound bitter, and I prefer to be around sympathetic people compared to those who are indifferent to Gaza. More intelligent people than me have written about how this feels like the point of no return. If the world cannot prevent a genocide that is being livestreamed, then what hope do we have for collective action against climate change or fascism? However, it okay to feel despair from time to time, but not okay to wallow in it. Hope is what makes us human. The ability to imagine a better world even in the depths of despair, the ability to see setbacks as learning moments. I am not alone in believing that the progressive energy that events in Gaza have unleashed cannot be put back into the bottle. People who have found their voice in this cataclysmic event will continue to use it even after the Gaza genocide ends, and even after Palestine is free, from the River to the Sea. 

Elbit 7

 My heart sank today when I read that a jury had found the Elbit 7 guilty in an unanimous decision. Elbit 7 are & members of Palestine Action, which believes in taking direct action to stop the Israeli arms trade. This involves everything from chaining themselves to roads to block factory entrances to breaking into factories to cause damage. In hindsight, it was possibly naive to expect that a group of jurors would see their actions as anything other than vandalism. And, of course, no one takes direct action unless they are prepared to be arrested, tried and possibly convicted. But, they were found guilty of burglary and criminal damage and apparently in the past environmental groups have successfully evaded prosecution by arguing that the organisations  they targeted would have consented to their actions (the law is a funny animal). But I have increasingly come to believe that direct action is the most effective way to bring about political change, even if I am unprepared to take direct action myself. Marches and demos are good, but operate in the space delineated by the establishment to express dissent. And, the establishment has a tremendous stomach to ignore dissent. Marches and protests do not push against the walls of the establishment in the way that direct action (and boycotts) do. The actions of activists have resulted in many suppliers and clients severing connections with Elbit because they cannot be bothered to deal with the faff. The boycotts will come because fascism is like a genie that cannot be put back into a bottle. Israel will ensure that it becomes an international outcast. And, direct actions will also increase. Even if I am not yet prepared to take direct action, their actionists can and do serve as an inspiration to keep turning up at protests, however, performative and futile they feel. 

Courage or Prejudice?

 An employment tribunal ruled today in favour of a university professor who was dismissed on grounds of antisemitism.  I follow the said professor on Twitter and know people who know him. And, i can't make up my mind about him. He uses words and language that I would definitely not use, even though I agree with what him on many points. He says that Jews are over-represented in positions of influence, and are not systematically discriminated against in the ways Muslims are, although he does acknowledge that anti-semitic hate crimes do occur. Many people would find these reasonable positions, even if they would never express these opinions themselves out of fear of being labelled as anti-semites. Yes, after his dismissal, the professor has made statements that teeter on the boundary of anti-semitism. At the same time, the standards for establishing antim-semitism and Islamophobia are very different. Blatant Islamophobia in the mainstream press seldom invites sanction, while one has to walk on tenterhooks if criticizing Israel. So, I can't make up mind on this professor. Is he problematic or does he simply have the courage to call a spade a spade? Is the reason some people in the Palestine solidarity movement find his comments discomfitting that they lack his moral clarity and courage?