Today, I felt waves of exhaustion sweep over me from time to time. I can't tell if its mental exhaustion or physical exhaustion but I am feeling completely unmotivated to prepare for my job interview. And, i am trying not to freak out about my lack of motivation. I had worked myself into a frenzy trying to nail the conceptual chapters this week. I was not expecting to hear back from Bristol Uni so soon. And, suddenly, I have shift gears and work myself up into a frenzy about something completely different? No wonder I am struggling. I feel similar to how I felt two weeks ago at the end of the week when my haemorrhoids flared up and laptop conked out. The good thing is I recognized the signs and took a few steps back. Not enough steps back, but at least I didn't crash and managed to recover more or less by the following week. These are extraordinary times and require extraordinary levels of self-care. It is futile to berate myself over how badly I am coping, because the normal standards don't apply. The normal standard should go out the window. I have decided to go for a long solitary bike ride tomorrow if I feel like it. And there is a barbecue with friends on Sunday. I had toyed with the idea of postponing till after the interview but realised that I need a break. I can't spend the weekend AND the following week stressing over my interview. Maybe I should be preparing for my interview but should is a word one must use very careful in normal times, not to mention times like these. So, I ma going to try to take it as easy as I can over this weekend and see how that goes.
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