Relief!

 I just got news that I haven't been short-listed for the one-year job either, and, honestly, I feel mostly relieved. How you immediately feel when you hear about an outcome is a good barometer of what you wanted the outcome to really be. Not what thought you wanted or what you should want but what you really want. And, I know I didn't really want this job. To be sure, I am glad I applied because I would otherwise have felt guilty. But, this isn't a great job and the timing isn't great either. Yes, I will feel stabs of anger for not being short-listed for a job I feel I am clearly more than worthy of. I will explode into internal rants about groupism and favouritism from time to time. But, it is safe to say that I am taking it much better than I thought I would. I am relieved that I can focus on writing my PhD and even enjoying it instead of rushing to prepare for an interview just days before Christmas.