Over the past month or so, I have occasionally indulged myself in self-pity, telling myself that I am never going to finish my phD, I am never going to be able to fix my shoulder, and I am never going to get %$#^ again. There is no harm in the occasional wallow in self-pity but this is the time to spring into action. From tomorrow, I start working on the first two "I will never .."s. I have had some time away from my PhD now. It wasn't a vacation, but I will be able to look at my PhD with fresh if not refreshed eyes. This has been a very lonely journey and I have had to be my own counsellor. My confidence is frayed from successive job rejections and my struggle to finish thePhD. I've had to dig deep into myself and find reserves of fortitude that I didn't know existed. And I have discovered that I am more emotionally resilient than I thought I was. Yes, my PhD has been delayed beyond my wildest fears, yes, I am struggling to find even a temporary job, but I am still here, and that is what counts. Showing up during the lean patches, trying to keep one's spirits up while riding out the storm or riding away from the storm.
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