Laptop Back In Action

 As I write this, MS Office is installing on my laptop. When the technician said yesterday that he might have to reinstall windows, I was worried that I would have to pay for a new MS office. But, I was able to reinstall both MS Office and my antivirus and remember my passwords for Netflix, Twitter, Amazon, Facebook and Google. After 48 hours, I am back to where I was when my laptop ran out of power and shut down. 48 extremely stressful hours, I might add, as my hemorrhoids flared up too and my stomach felt like it was being churned. That familiar anxiety symptom where your stomach does not fine but you can't point to concrete symptoms either. The number of times I felt like I was falling to pieces, I cannot count. But, just as I was leaving uni to pick up my laptop, the pain subsided as if by magic. And, I also managed to make some progress on my PhD. I know anxiety doesn't disappear like magic. I will continue to feel the aftereffects for a few days at least. Right now, I feel a weariness that no amount of sleep seems capable of alleviating. I sat down to open the tap of tears today, and a few did emerge but it wasn't the most satisfying cry I ever had. I often think about the year when the demons were dancing in my head and in my bod, when I would break into tears as easily as a pig grunts. Maybe I exhausted my tear wells during that year.