Swinging between Hope and Despair

 I got the conceptual section of my PHD back from supervisor today and it came covered in red ink. That was not a complete surprise because I was not happy with it when I sent it. I was simply fed up of it. Anticipation dulls the surprise element of a shock but does little else. Since then, I have been swinging between hope and despair. I leapt into action and finished my infographics trading to clear my slate for the next few days. But, after returning home, I spent a good amount of time wallowing in thoughts such as "I will never finish my PhD", " I will need another year's extension if I don't finish by Jan-end", "m supervisor is useless", "Even if I finish my PhD, how will I ever have the confidence to write an academic paper again". I thought a good cry would help, but I wasn't able to muster the tears. That old trick of watching youtube videos of children in cancer hospitals singing Fight Song isn't working anymore. The next few days are going to be a whirlwind of emotions--Frustration and dejection with my PhD punctuated with hope-filled bursts, Covid fears, indecisiveness. There is nothing to do but throw myself in.