Fear

 I woke up at around 4:00 am yesterday, as I usually do these days, feeling angry about my additional workload and half-salary. I had planned to chip away at grading but I was too frazzled for that. I spent a few hours contemplating. At the beginning, I thought that I would wait till Monday to see how I felt and then possibly asked to be relieved of the additional workload. But, it was clear to me that I would feel no differently on Monday, so I decided to write to my supervisor that same day. The only question was what to say. Should I tell him that I am struggling to cope, feel stressed all the time and am having trouble sleeping? That was the initial plan and I drafted the email, but just before sending the email I thought I would consult a colleague who I know from our UWE days. I am glad I did because saying I was going to pieces would have been a categorically bad idea. I went with "just about coping" and half salary. My supervisor, bless him, replied immediately. I don't know how I would have endured the weekend if he hadn't. But, it turns out he wasn't even aware that I had been given the additional workload and he swiftly set the record straight. The sneaky bastard who tried to draft me for his section of the course hasn't replied, and I fear he will kick up a fuss tomorrow. I should have been more assertive when he "asked" me and told my supervisor that this wasn't part of the deal. But, I am not going to be too hard on myself. You live and you learn. I was trying to be low maintenance, but I have realised that makes me ripe for exploitation. And, the sneaky bastard has revealed his nature, so I am going to be extra-careful around him. 

I didn't sleep well last night. I had a nightmare which jerked me awake and I couldn't go back to sleep. I suppose I am worried about how this incident will play out tomorrow. But, I am proud of how I am coping. I broke the back of my grading load today, finishing more than I had planned.