Last evening, I learned that I had not been shortlisted for the UWE Economics job. It didn't come as a total surprise because I had a gut feeling it would happen. I thought I would be gutted if it happened, but the injury is mostly to my ego. I wasn't particularly enthused about the job. At the time, I put my lack fo enthusiasm down to Covid and PhD fatigue, but maybe there is more to it than that. The idea of a change fo scene sounds good. I like Bristol as a city but more as a physical place. I haven't really built a life here, and once a close friend moves away, my social life will become almost non-existent.
But, coming back to the job, I was confident that I would at least be short-listed, if nothing else as a favour to my supervisor. Maybe I underestimated her pull in the department or how much she would be willing to pull for me.
Two day ago, I wrote about how blessings often come disguised as curses. I have also written before about how sometimes life looks worse than it feels. This is one of those moments--it doesn't feel bad, but when I think about my situation dispassionately--visa constraints, brutal job market--it gets me down. As though my mind is telling me that I should be more worried, I should fret a bit. But I am resolute that I am not going to trick myself into feeling worse than I do. Yes, I am prone to overconfidence, so I should listen to the people around me when they think I am painting too rosy a picture of my fortunes. But I can be pro-active in my job search without being desperate. For now, I am only going to apply to jobs I am keen on. Maybe there will come a time when I have to spray my CV indiscriminately in the hoe that it sticks somewhere, but I will cross that bridge when I reach it.
No comments:
Post a Comment