On Friendhip

 I read a column about friendship during Covid times today. It reproduced many tropes about friendship, such as how one has to continually justify its value in a way one doesn't with romantic or family relationships. There was also the what has become a boilerplate statistic about loneliness being as risky as smoking a crazy amounts of cigarettes a day. I have a lot of beefs with that statistic and how it is presented but I will save that for another day. The column got me thinking about what the pandemic has taught me about friendship. For one, friendships are not a substitute for family or romantic relationships. Anyone who is contemplating a life of singlehood should keep this in mind. With friendship, the stakes are lower and that is not necessarily a bad thing. At the risk of sounding trite, they are the form of relationship that embody the first part of the maxim of socialism. From each according to his ability. With family and partner, the focus is on "to each according to his/her need". You are not expected to go above and beyond your capacity for care in a friendship as you are with family or partner. Being friends with someone is a choice that allows you to keep choosing. I am not saying one doesn't or shouldn't feel obliged to care for a friend. But, not at the cost of one's mental well-being, which is what distinguishes it from family/partner. During the pandemic, I have learnt the importance of being a friend to yourself. When friends are unavailable because they have troubles of their own, how it is necessary to be talk to yourself the way a close friend would. Hopefully, that makes one a more rounded person who doesn't depend on their friends for self-validation. Or at least not too much.