Winning

So, this time I won the prize and praise yesterday, and I have been basking in the joy of it ever since. Its not a huge prize and it was shared with someone else but I am quite pleased with myself and have no shame saying so. I told quite a few people about it. Some years ago, faux modesty would have stopped me from doing so. I would have wanted these people to know but would have preferred someone else tell them on my behalf so that I could seem successful and nonchalant at the same time.
This time, I feel  really happy and have no shame in showing it. I care much less about whether it will seem like I am gloating or if it arouses envy in some of the people I tell. I have written about schadenfreude before and how I frequently find myself indulging in it. But, just as it is possible to sympathize with someone's misfortune and yet enjoy having a companion in misfortune, it is possible to feel happy for someone while being slightly envious of them.
I worked hard for this prize and feel I deserve it. I am under no illusion that my work is unquestionably amazing and above reproach. It is rare to find such work in the social sciences, and my prize-winning work had previously come in for some sharp criticism. I am sure that a number of people disagree with my work and felt it was undeserving of the prize, but had the good grace to keep those opinions to themselves. A fundamental learning in academia is the realization that just because you don't see the value of something doesn't mean it is not of value. In such situations, the prudent reaction is to assume that you didn't understand it or you come from an opposing school of thought and move on. I love the phrase--'But, what do I know?". This is particularly important for early-career researchers especially, who are seldom asked to formally assess someone else's work.