I can't remember the last time I won a prize. The only one that comes to mind is for a project in journo school and not a well-deserved one at that. That was way back in 2008. More recently, there was a prize that I was hoping to win, but didn't. I didn't take that too well and was consumed with envy for someone I knew who won it. In my defense, that was around the time the demons in my head had started their devilish dance. Before the prize was announced a friend noticed that I was trembling slightly, and pointed it out to me. After the prize announcement, I spent the rest of the evening sulking, even though it was supposed to be a day of celebration.
Last week, I again didn't win a prize that I fancied my chances for, but this time I took it much better. It helped that even though I didn't win the prize, I received fulsome praise. The cynic in me would say prizes are all that matter, praises are merely platitudes. If my work was so praiseworthy, it should have been prizeworthy. But, I don't think so any more. It helps that I have a lot going on in my professional life, so I can't afford to mope over a prize. But, I also like to think I have matured. My first reaction to not winning the prize last week was bitterness. I felt my work was better than the prize-winning work. But, that soon blew over and I was able to chat amiably with the prize winner. Someone has to win the prize. And this might sound sanctimonious, but, at least in this case, the journey counted for more than the destination. Writing that piece has been a really fulfilling experience for me, and that counts for more than the prestige of winning the prize. Of course, that is not to say that I wouldn't have been thrilled had I won the prize.
Last week, I again didn't win a prize that I fancied my chances for, but this time I took it much better. It helped that even though I didn't win the prize, I received fulsome praise. The cynic in me would say prizes are all that matter, praises are merely platitudes. If my work was so praiseworthy, it should have been prizeworthy. But, I don't think so any more. It helps that I have a lot going on in my professional life, so I can't afford to mope over a prize. But, I also like to think I have matured. My first reaction to not winning the prize last week was bitterness. I felt my work was better than the prize-winning work. But, that soon blew over and I was able to chat amiably with the prize winner. Someone has to win the prize. And this might sound sanctimonious, but, at least in this case, the journey counted for more than the destination. Writing that piece has been a really fulfilling experience for me, and that counts for more than the prestige of winning the prize. Of course, that is not to say that I wouldn't have been thrilled had I won the prize.
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