I was talking to my sister last night and she told me that my younger nephew had dressed up as a spy after watching a spy movie. I asked her if he did that often, and she replied not as often as I used to . And, that was all the excuse I needed to go running down memory lane. I am such a sucker for nostalgia!
Growing up, I used to love collecting sticks and dressing up as fictional characters. I liked sticks because of their sheer versatility--a stick could be anything from a sword to a gun depending on thee character I was playing. My collection of sticks was so large that it occupied a good portion of the verandah of our apartment. There were many sticks that I never played with but kept because I liked having the possibility of playing with them.
My love of dressing up and play-acting was unusual because I had no ambitions of becoming an actor or a novelist/playwright. The fantasy worlds that my imagination conjures up are private and always have been--even when the fantasies are not sexual. I don't let anyone into those worlds, not even those people that play roles in my world. They are my private retreat, the place I go to when I need a break from the world or sometimes for no particular reason.
Growing up, I used to love collecting sticks and dressing up as fictional characters. I liked sticks because of their sheer versatility--a stick could be anything from a sword to a gun depending on thee character I was playing. My collection of sticks was so large that it occupied a good portion of the verandah of our apartment. There were many sticks that I never played with but kept because I liked having the possibility of playing with them.
My love of dressing up and play-acting was unusual because I had no ambitions of becoming an actor or a novelist/playwright. The fantasy worlds that my imagination conjures up are private and always have been--even when the fantasies are not sexual. I don't let anyone into those worlds, not even those people that play roles in my world. They are my private retreat, the place I go to when I need a break from the world or sometimes for no particular reason.
And, therein lies the difference between me and my nephew. Fortunately, camera phones didn't yet exist when I was growing up. The thought of photographs of me in the full costume of whichever character I was playing is mortifying. My private worlds were not meant to be documented for posterity. My nephew on the other hand was only to happy to pose for my sister. He is a born performer and loves the spotlight.
Over the years my frequency of fantasizing has decreased remarkably. As one grows up, the nature of fantasies changes, they become less fantastical and more realistic, or at least that is what has happened in my case. Sometimes, these new fantasies bring up feelings of guilt and bitterness, especially when they are not borne out in real life. But, as I have written before, fantasies are not supposed to be a blueprint for real life but flights of imagination.
No comments:
Post a Comment