Is desire personal and primordial or political? Does it stem from the depths of your being or is it shaped by the power structures around you? I read an interesting article on the politics of desire today. It's main point was that one must be prepared to examine desire without judging it. The author charts feminism's engagement with desire, from the second-wave view that sex in a patriarchal society was inherently violent to sex-positive third- and fourth-wave perspectives who were stridently against women apologizing for their desires. But, even if one shouldn't have to apologize for one's desires, one should still be prepared to interrogate them. "Why do we choose what or who we choose?" Desire is not a given. Social structures present certain facial features, body types and skin tones as being more more desirable than others and these influence our desires.
The essay resonated with me and my experience of online dating in England. But, this is not a whinge about how South Asian men with thick accents are at the bottom of the heap and how unfair that is. I shall save that for another post (or, hopefully, never). The essay got me thinking about the Harvey Weinstein case. I was watching a documentary about him and two things stuck with me. One, an actress was describing how Weinstein set upon her naked, and how horrible the sight of Weinstein naked is. And then she said another sentence to the same effect. Second, when one woman rejected Weinstein's advances, he started sobbing, saying that she didn't fancy him because he was fat. So, it seems like desire is a part of the picture. Weinstein's undesirability. His view of himself as undesirable, a view which was echoed by many of the women he preyed upon. Does that play a part in the mechanism of the sexual exploitation of women by powerful men? I have a controversial theory. Power and a sense of oneself as undesirable are a toxic combination and leads to a sense of entitlement that is blind to the wishes and desires of others. Powerful attractive men might have the same sense of entitlement but it is not blind. To put it crudely, they don't have to try too hard to get lucky. They might frequently overestimate their desirability, and there have been a number of cases of so-called hot actors being accused of harassment. But, on the whole, I think they are better at taking rejection then men who see themselves as undesirable. I know I am recklessly generalizing here, but I do think the politics of desire has to be a part of the conversation. Of course, I am ignoring the question of whether a man, hot or not, should make a sexual (as opposed to a romantic) advance on a woman in a professional setting, thereby diminishing her to the status of a sex object. That is obviously wrong. And, a world in which unfettered access to women's bodies is seen as one of the perks of male success. I am afraid I might have tied myself up in knots with this one. But, since this is a barely read blog, I can afford to.
The essay resonated with me and my experience of online dating in England. But, this is not a whinge about how South Asian men with thick accents are at the bottom of the heap and how unfair that is. I shall save that for another post (or, hopefully, never). The essay got me thinking about the Harvey Weinstein case. I was watching a documentary about him and two things stuck with me. One, an actress was describing how Weinstein set upon her naked, and how horrible the sight of Weinstein naked is. And then she said another sentence to the same effect. Second, when one woman rejected Weinstein's advances, he started sobbing, saying that she didn't fancy him because he was fat. So, it seems like desire is a part of the picture. Weinstein's undesirability. His view of himself as undesirable, a view which was echoed by many of the women he preyed upon. Does that play a part in the mechanism of the sexual exploitation of women by powerful men? I have a controversial theory. Power and a sense of oneself as undesirable are a toxic combination and leads to a sense of entitlement that is blind to the wishes and desires of others. Powerful attractive men might have the same sense of entitlement but it is not blind. To put it crudely, they don't have to try too hard to get lucky. They might frequently overestimate their desirability, and there have been a number of cases of so-called hot actors being accused of harassment. But, on the whole, I think they are better at taking rejection then men who see themselves as undesirable. I know I am recklessly generalizing here, but I do think the politics of desire has to be a part of the conversation. Of course, I am ignoring the question of whether a man, hot or not, should make a sexual (as opposed to a romantic) advance on a woman in a professional setting, thereby diminishing her to the status of a sex object. That is obviously wrong. And, a world in which unfettered access to women's bodies is seen as one of the perks of male success. I am afraid I might have tied myself up in knots with this one. But, since this is a barely read blog, I can afford to.
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