New Experiences

The thing about being new to a place and not having a natural socialization pool of workmates or classmates is it pushes you to try out new things. Things that you wouldn't earlier have tried for lack of company, because now you lack company for most things. I suppose that sounds rather sad but the point I'm trying to make is when the question of company is out of the picture, you can focus on what you want to do. You can't blame a lack of nerve on a lack of company because its not like you have company to do less intimidating things. In the past year or so, I have gone to salsa classes, yoga classes, a social justice group meeting which turned out to be a group of old white church-goers. Things I would never have thought off doing earlier. This morning I went to a book club focused on female authors. To be sure, I was in two minds whether to go. Book clubs are a quintessentially female activity and book clubs focused on female writers doubly so. To add to the awkwardness, I figured that I would be the only foreigner, and possibly the only non-white person there. Would the women think I am there to hit on them?

But, I reasoned to myself, if they thought so, it was their problem. If they didn't want men, they could have restricted the group to just females. I wasn't there to win feminist brownie points or to ingratiate myself with women. I was there because most of my favourite authors happen to be women anyway and I am eager to get back into the habit of leisure reading. If my mere presence, and not my behaviour, was causing discomfort, it wasn't my problem. As it turned out, I had a great time. The conversation was scintillating, nuanced and refreshingly non-academic. I wasn't made to feel unwelcome at all. 

I suppose being lonely makes you brave. It is easier to follow your interests and discover new ones because the only other alternative is to sit at home and sink into a morass of self-pity and disillusion. Of course, not every new activity you try is a hit. Regrets are plentiful. But, you can never ascertain the depth of the water unless you get your toes wet. Over time, you get better at judging which activities might interest you. Initially, I would try out new activities to meet new people and hopefully making friends. Now, I try out new stuff because I find it interesting. Being alone and often lonely forces you to live life on your own terms, because the alternative is just too dismal. And, if you flout popular notions about gender roles and preferences in the process, so be it.