Neediness

Neediness comes in many forms and we all know someone needy. Some of us might think of ourselves as needy or might have gone through needy phases in our lives. Or we behave/might have behaved needily in specific relationships, platonic or romantic.

We all have needs, but neediness is something more. It is seeking validation for your sense of self from other people. We all seek validation from those around us, especially dear ones, but needy people hold the people around them, even those who are not very close, responsible for that validation. That is a tremendous responsibility to put on people. Being around someone needy can feel like walking on eggshells. It feels like they chase you and then sulk when you don't chase them back. You might be fond of that person but feel pressured to show your affection in a certain way and with an intensity that you might not feel. Needy people also tend to be touchy, making it difficult to be free around them for fear of  causing hurt.

Neediness is not the same as being sensitive although most needy people tend to be sensitive. Sensitivity can be healthy, it can be cultivated to enable one to become a truer, fuller and more empathetic person. Neediness is unhealthy because it is one of the ways low self-esteem manifests---through outward projection. It makes one's own feelings the focus of every interaction, which is neither fair on you or the other person.

I hope this doesn't sound like a tirade against needy people because I have only empathy for them. I have behaved needily in the past and can't be certain that I won't in the future. The point is neediness stems from low self-esteem and self esteem can be raised.