Doing a PhD is 'isolating' not 'lonely'. I have described it as 'isolating' and have heard a number of others do so too. 'Isolating', somehow, sounds more palatable than 'lonely' because you become the object rather the subject. You are lonely, while, on the other hand, you are isolated, not isolating. Isolation is something that happens to you, while lonely is something you are, or so it seems. Loneliness has a tinge of value judgement attached to it--you are lonely because of some character or personality flaws. Is there a stigma around loneliness and will calling it by its name change things for the better? I think much of the stigma is internal rather than external. Refusing to accept that you are lonely because you don't want to be THAT person who everyone pities but no one wants to befriend. No one likes to be pitied as pity robs the object of pity of all agency. Pitying someone is a way of asserting your superiority over them, which is why pity is very different from sympathy. You don't try to relate to that person because she and her situation are so alien to you that you can't even imagine it.
Accepting you loneliness helps you move on from it rather than trying to dance around it. You stop trying to deny it or fight it and free up a lot of emotional space in the process. It becomes just another one of those not very pleasant emotions that life throws up.
I realize I have been writing a lot about loneliness, so I won't for a while :-)
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