University of Life

I went for another discussion of the philosophy club today just to take mind off my thesis. It worked, I suppose. It was mostly boring, but a different variety of boring. We were divided into two groups and, based on the snippets of conversation from the other group that floated into my ears, I wish I had joined the other group. My group had people from diverse backgrounds, or, rather, as much diversity as you can get with a white middle-aged and old crowd from a lower-middle class background. I think I am beginning to tire of it. The level of discourse is good, and the people are unpretentious. But, it just feels like too much of an effort to be the only foreigner in the group. I don't feel uncomfortable any more, it is just tiring. The no-expectations, no-effort strategy is working like a charm, but my focus has shifted from not wanting to feeling out of place to wanting to feel like I belong in a particular place. I am no longer satisfied with just not feeling uncomfortable, I want to be comfortable, to banter, to tease, to be teased. And, if that is hard to find, I would rather be alone and be all the better for it.