I was reading a book on research methods in the social sciences when I came across an axiom which astonished me because I was first acquainted with it in a very different context. The phrase is "Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better", and its author is apparently a French Enlightenment philosopher named Emile Coute. The idea that he was trying to put forth was that progress is inevitable for enlightened humans who have embraced rational ways of thought.
I had first come across the dictum in a famous self-help book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I was strongly urged to read the book by a friend when I was going through a tough phase in my life. At the time, the message of the book--self-hatred is the root of all suffering and one can heal oneself--had seemed like a revelation to me and I had frenetically repeated self-affirmations to myself for a few months.
I have enough experience of these things to know that what doesn't work for one person might work for another, so I will try not to be too dismissive of it. But, it didn't work for me and after a point it just seemed pointless, and even a little silly. Trying to force yourself into believing that things are going great and you are awesome when they are obviously not and you feel like shit even began to feel a little counterproductive to me. It is easy to slip into self-blame because if things are going great, and I still feel like shit, maybe I am shit. I don't disagree with the central message that resentment is poisonous and forgiveness coupled with self-love is the key to healing, but the methods didn't work for me. What worked for me is a combination of many things, chief among which were counselling and yoga. I like the yoga approach of taking a step back and trying to come to terms with where you are and how you are feeling. "This is where I am and this is what I am working with" is empowering for me because it doesn't make any tall claims about life or about myself. It is a simple restatement of what is. I also like that it is not just a mental exercise but involves the mind and the breath. When you spend so much time in your head, as I do, it is important to get into your body. And the breath is the connection between mind and body. By focusing on it, you harmonize mind and body. Easier said than done, and it doesn't work always, but I usually feel better and never worse after a yoga session. This approach sees loving as a natural ability and not one that has to be rigorously cultivated. One simply needs to look away from the distractions that overshadow the experience of love. Such an approach works better for me. To become better every day and in every way seems like a tedious way of living.
I had first come across the dictum in a famous self-help book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I was strongly urged to read the book by a friend when I was going through a tough phase in my life. At the time, the message of the book--self-hatred is the root of all suffering and one can heal oneself--had seemed like a revelation to me and I had frenetically repeated self-affirmations to myself for a few months.
I have enough experience of these things to know that what doesn't work for one person might work for another, so I will try not to be too dismissive of it. But, it didn't work for me and after a point it just seemed pointless, and even a little silly. Trying to force yourself into believing that things are going great and you are awesome when they are obviously not and you feel like shit even began to feel a little counterproductive to me. It is easy to slip into self-blame because if things are going great, and I still feel like shit, maybe I am shit. I don't disagree with the central message that resentment is poisonous and forgiveness coupled with self-love is the key to healing, but the methods didn't work for me. What worked for me is a combination of many things, chief among which were counselling and yoga. I like the yoga approach of taking a step back and trying to come to terms with where you are and how you are feeling. "This is where I am and this is what I am working with" is empowering for me because it doesn't make any tall claims about life or about myself. It is a simple restatement of what is. I also like that it is not just a mental exercise but involves the mind and the breath. When you spend so much time in your head, as I do, it is important to get into your body. And the breath is the connection between mind and body. By focusing on it, you harmonize mind and body. Easier said than done, and it doesn't work always, but I usually feel better and never worse after a yoga session. This approach sees loving as a natural ability and not one that has to be rigorously cultivated. One simply needs to look away from the distractions that overshadow the experience of love. Such an approach works better for me. To become better every day and in every way seems like a tedious way of living.
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