Being Shown Your Place

Being put in your place is never a pleasant feeling, especially when you didn't have it coming because of your behaviour. It wasn't a major slight by any stretch, and someone less sensitive would possibly have taken it simply as the other person expressing their preferences (it wasn't a platonic or romantic rejection, which is also a matter of someone expressing their preferences). But, INFJs are sensitive people, or so I have been told. I, for one, don't like being wrong about how I stand with someone. If I had imagined that I was closer to someone than it later turned out, I feel red with shame. So does anyone, I suppose, but I take it particularly badly. Slights, real or perceived, hurt and the instinct to change our behaviour to such an extent that the person in question never ever gets the opportunity to accuse you of taking liberties (I realize that this term is often used in the context of sexual harasssment, but I don't mean it in that way at all). On a related note, over the years, as I have become less needy, I have become more sensitive to both bad behaviour as well as words and actions that indicate the opposite person is trying to put some distance between me and them. Maybe it is a reflection  of my increased self-worth, but I do believe one has to reinforce self-worth with once's actions. I don't pursue romantic or  platonic situations that I would have a couple of years ago, especially where there is a power differential (read white people) involved. Giving attention to someone who doesn't reciprocate is not good for your self-worth if you keep doing it. Maybe there is a risk of becoming too cold and guarded out of fear of rejection. That is a real risk, and I wish I was someone who could shrug off rejection. But, I am not, so this is a form of self-preservation. But, I also believe with a higher sense of self worth comes more confidence which makes you more  open and empathetic.