Apparently, pride is the deadliest sin. I have written previously about how prone I am to conceit. Today, that bubble was punctured and it was as unpleasant as I imagined. I was feeling quite uppity before meeting my supervisors today and the meeting was off to a good start before a question floored me. It was simple: "What is the basis for this (particular) statement?". And then the conversation turned to how my writing is still too journalistic. I don't make enough references to other authors. I am too descriptive and not analytical enough.
I have always known that I am an unconventional academic but for the first time it occurred to me that I might be an inadequate academic. It was sobering to realize that my arguments were not as novel or brilliant as I had thought. And I couldn't defend the novel ones with any confidence. My epistemology was my instinct, which is not nearly enough to succeed in the academic world.
But as I set in a boring economics seminar later that afternoon, Adrienne's words came to me "This is where you are and this is what you are working with" and I was flooded with a wave of calm. It is quite empowering to accept where you are at a particular low moment in life, which allows you to move ahead. "Everybody loses, we all have bruises". I do have a busy couple of days ahead of me but I will be busy doing what I like best: writing. The magic of writing, or any art for that matter, is that it is organic, the final form cannot be conceived in advance with any degree of precision. It flows from a place deep inside us, and grows. The last sentence might sound terribly pompous, but I have lost count of the number of times a difficult writing project has turned out well. It is healthy to be reminded of one's weaknesses from time to time, to acknowledge them and move ahead.
I have always known that I am an unconventional academic but for the first time it occurred to me that I might be an inadequate academic. It was sobering to realize that my arguments were not as novel or brilliant as I had thought. And I couldn't defend the novel ones with any confidence. My epistemology was my instinct, which is not nearly enough to succeed in the academic world.
But as I set in a boring economics seminar later that afternoon, Adrienne's words came to me "This is where you are and this is what you are working with" and I was flooded with a wave of calm. It is quite empowering to accept where you are at a particular low moment in life, which allows you to move ahead. "Everybody loses, we all have bruises". I do have a busy couple of days ahead of me but I will be busy doing what I like best: writing. The magic of writing, or any art for that matter, is that it is organic, the final form cannot be conceived in advance with any degree of precision. It flows from a place deep inside us, and grows. The last sentence might sound terribly pompous, but I have lost count of the number of times a difficult writing project has turned out well. It is healthy to be reminded of one's weaknesses from time to time, to acknowledge them and move ahead.
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