Coasting

 As I wait to hear about the outcome of my UWE interview, I have realised I have been coasting for the past few years. I haven't applied myself fully to anything apart from maybe my PhD. Maybe its the scars from the PhD, maybe its the scars from the pandemic maybe its the combo of the two, but I feel like I have just been coasting. I don't want to turn this into an exercise in self-flagellation. Life is difficult for a single millennial with a lacklustre social life in present-day England. But, there has been no major crisis in my life, and I am tired of being buffeted by the winds in my head. I often complain to myself these days that it has been years since I have felt intelligent or funny. But, the truth is one can feel intelligent only when one applies their mind to something. And, with passion, else they are not fully exerting their mental faculties. So, maybe, if I don't get the job, it will be the kick I need to get off my bottom. Yes, I am not satisfied with my PhD, but my PhD will be done soon. There is no point in moping over an ordinary PhD. I know there is value in my work, even if I don't see it yet. Its time to get moving and move on from my PhD and apply myself to my work. Bring the same dedication that I bring to exercise to my scholarship. It would be one thing if I had a bunch of other hobbies or were busy with family or social life. I don't, so I really don't have an excuse for this half-assed approach towards my profession. Be a bit that like economist who was solving equations on a paper napkin in an aeroplane, which was mistaken for Arabic writing by a Karen.