Bad Outcome, But Could Have Been Worse

So, I didn't get the job. Or, at least, I am not their first choice. If the first choice can't or doesn't take up the position or if they open a new position within six months, the job is mine. I am still not sure how I feel about the outcome. When I first saw the email, a tear came to my eye, but it quickly vanished. This was not a dream job, but it was a permanent job. And it is a heterodox department. Not getting this job means my precarious situation continues, and I can't plan for life ahead. But, I don't feel as bad as I thought I would. Yes, I did beat myself up for not having a permanent job, partner or too many friends in Bristol. I whined about not having felt intelligent in a really long time. But, this has whining has gone on for so long, its getting boring. And, I didn't just sit at home and mope. I had plans to go to the gym and go for a bike ride, which turned into a plan to trek Cheddar Gorge with work colleagues. The gorge was beautiful and I had a nice time. Its not easy to trust that all will be well, because of the state the world is in. But, I am prepared to put in the physical work, the intellectual work and the spiritual work for a more peaceful and fulfilling life.