As I was doing a short meditation session this evening, memories of my 10-day-long meditation course came to me. I had enrolled in the course in August 2011 to fix a nagging headache problem exacerbated by what I later realised was existential angst. The course itself is intense. We meditated for almost 10 hours per day for 9 days and were supposed to be silent at all times, except if we needed to communicate with the staff. The general expectation was that we would feel tortured in the beginning but by the end of it we would be transformed into temples of equanimity. That didn't happen to me, but I know it happened to some. We all had fixed meditation spots, and the young lad meditating beside me couldn't sit without shaking his legs in the beginning. But, by Day 4, he was sitting still as a stone.
I didn't do myself any favours by hurting my back in a completely avoidable accident. Following that, I sat on a chair instead of cross-legged on the floor, and regret over the injury coupled with guilt that I was cheating by not sitting on my floor hijacked the rest of my course.
The essential teaching of the practice is the same as many that I tried after. That thoughts, emotions and sensations are transitory and one can train one's mind to not react to them to find a place of calm. Just let them pass (there was one practice that encouraged one to change one's thoughts by repeating affirmations and that didn't work for me at all). But, the fact that the gist of the messages are the same doesn't make the task any simpler. There is a world of difference between understanding a truth intellectually and being able to internalize it and make it's one own. To feel it. What meditation and a brief sojourn with a Bristol cult couldn't do for me, an abundantly wise therapist and yoga with Adrienne did. And, my only advice is, when you find something that works, embrace it and keep returning to it. There will be times when it feels like a drag, when you don't feel any different after. Soldier on. The benefits are incremental (sometimes marginal) and cumulative and trusting and surrendering yourself to a ritual (yes, you can call it a ritual) has its own benefits. That doesn't mean you have to do it for life. When it stops serving you, trust that your inner wisdom will tell you and you will let the practice go.
I didn't do myself any favours by hurting my back in a completely avoidable accident. Following that, I sat on a chair instead of cross-legged on the floor, and regret over the injury coupled with guilt that I was cheating by not sitting on my floor hijacked the rest of my course.
The essential teaching of the practice is the same as many that I tried after. That thoughts, emotions and sensations are transitory and one can train one's mind to not react to them to find a place of calm. Just let them pass (there was one practice that encouraged one to change one's thoughts by repeating affirmations and that didn't work for me at all). But, the fact that the gist of the messages are the same doesn't make the task any simpler. There is a world of difference between understanding a truth intellectually and being able to internalize it and make it's one own. To feel it. What meditation and a brief sojourn with a Bristol cult couldn't do for me, an abundantly wise therapist and yoga with Adrienne did. And, my only advice is, when you find something that works, embrace it and keep returning to it. There will be times when it feels like a drag, when you don't feel any different after. Soldier on. The benefits are incremental (sometimes marginal) and cumulative and trusting and surrendering yourself to a ritual (yes, you can call it a ritual) has its own benefits. That doesn't mean you have to do it for life. When it stops serving you, trust that your inner wisdom will tell you and you will let the practice go.
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