In school, we read a poem in Hindi titled "Strength and Mercy" which was based on the Mahabharatha epic. For some reason, I still remember most of its lines even 20 years later. One of the stanzas, translated into English, reads, "A merciful nature is a virtue only for the snake who has poisonous fangs, not the one who is non-venomous and domesticated". This got me thinking about the "Nice Guy" trope--that category of men whose primary virtue is that they are "nice", unlike the womanizing bad boys who break girls' hearts. An extension of the trope is that women prefer bad boys instead of the nice ones, and it is strongly implied that this is character flaw in women.
As many people have pointed out, there is no female equivalent of the "Nice Guy". Women who don't attract a lot of male attention are labelled as "plain" not "nice", and they are not allowed to feel entitled to male attention even if they are nice as nightingales.
And as the Hindi poem points out, niceness is not a virtue if you don't get much opportunity to be "bad". This is not a cynical argument that all men would be bad boys if they could get away with. There are many men who attract a lot of female attention and still treat the women they go out with with honesty and respect (most of my male friends, for example). But, as a Quora article I read a few years ago pointed out, niceness is a baseline requirement not just in romantic relationships but also in friendships. All my friends, irrespective of how much romantic attention they receive, are nice people, else they wouldn't be my friends. Being nice just makes life much easier for yourself and the people around you, and that is plenty reason to be nice. But, if all you are is nice, that doesn't give a potential friend or romantic partner much to work with. And, in my experience, people who are often described as "nice" tend to be touchy, needy, have a low sense of self-worth and, in the case of men, entitled. There are some people who are described as nice because they bring love and light to the lives of people around them and these are the people you turn to in moments of crisis. They can't help be this way. But, in my experience, such people are few and far between.
As many people have pointed out, there is no female equivalent of the "Nice Guy". Women who don't attract a lot of male attention are labelled as "plain" not "nice", and they are not allowed to feel entitled to male attention even if they are nice as nightingales.
And as the Hindi poem points out, niceness is not a virtue if you don't get much opportunity to be "bad". This is not a cynical argument that all men would be bad boys if they could get away with. There are many men who attract a lot of female attention and still treat the women they go out with with honesty and respect (most of my male friends, for example). But, as a Quora article I read a few years ago pointed out, niceness is a baseline requirement not just in romantic relationships but also in friendships. All my friends, irrespective of how much romantic attention they receive, are nice people, else they wouldn't be my friends. Being nice just makes life much easier for yourself and the people around you, and that is plenty reason to be nice. But, if all you are is nice, that doesn't give a potential friend or romantic partner much to work with. And, in my experience, people who are often described as "nice" tend to be touchy, needy, have a low sense of self-worth and, in the case of men, entitled. There are some people who are described as nice because they bring love and light to the lives of people around them and these are the people you turn to in moments of crisis. They can't help be this way. But, in my experience, such people are few and far between.
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