The other day, a friend was telling me about an acquaintance whose husband regularly hit her, but who refused to leave him because her was a "good person". That got me thinking about the "good person-bad person" narrative. In Hindi, a common defense of a person who has done something wrong is to say he is "good at heart". Increasingly, I find this good person-bad person dichotomy problematic.
I am sure there are sociopaths and psychopaths and megalomaniacs out there who are unambiguously bad people. India has the misfortune of being currently ruled by one, and we are not the only ones with this problem. But most of us are not sociopaths and yet have the capacity to cause immense harm to other people--physical and emotional. Some of that harm is caused by the best of intentions, some of it is caused by emotional problems of our own. We can be in a toxic relationship with someone who we and most people consider a "good" person. As humans, sometimes we have love in hearts, sometimes we have poison. And, if one were to categorize one's each action as good or bad, I suppose it would yield an even scatter across the good-bad spectrum.
Life is difficult, people are complicated, and we can hurt someone badly without meaning to and for no obvious fault of ours. Personally, I don't find any merit in aiming to be virtuous in thought and deed, as many religions preach. I think a healthy attitude towards life and relationships is more effective than trying to always be a saint with saintly intentions. Why is why it is important to learn to be kind to yourself, without which it is difficult to be kind to other people. What does it mean to be kind to yourself? I am still trying to figure out how to articulate that and hopefully I will be able to write a post about it someday.
I am sure there are sociopaths and psychopaths and megalomaniacs out there who are unambiguously bad people. India has the misfortune of being currently ruled by one, and we are not the only ones with this problem. But most of us are not sociopaths and yet have the capacity to cause immense harm to other people--physical and emotional. Some of that harm is caused by the best of intentions, some of it is caused by emotional problems of our own. We can be in a toxic relationship with someone who we and most people consider a "good" person. As humans, sometimes we have love in hearts, sometimes we have poison. And, if one were to categorize one's each action as good or bad, I suppose it would yield an even scatter across the good-bad spectrum.
Life is difficult, people are complicated, and we can hurt someone badly without meaning to and for no obvious fault of ours. Personally, I don't find any merit in aiming to be virtuous in thought and deed, as many religions preach. I think a healthy attitude towards life and relationships is more effective than trying to always be a saint with saintly intentions. Why is why it is important to learn to be kind to yourself, without which it is difficult to be kind to other people. What does it mean to be kind to yourself? I am still trying to figure out how to articulate that and hopefully I will be able to write a post about it someday.
No comments:
Post a Comment