This morning, I saw a news headline about how a tennis player had burst into tears after winning a title. Of course, it was a male player as a female player bursting into tears wouldn't have made the headlines. A couple of months ago, the Australian cricket captain, who had admitted to ball tampering, spectacularly burst into tears during a press conference. And, his weren't those silent manly tears that strike a perfect balance between emotion and equanimity. His were tears of unadulterated agony. His were tears that had battered his masculine defences and were spluttering out with a vengeance.
Shortly after, I was at an evening event when a woman told us how it was common for Australian men--even the super-buff alpha males--to burst into tears from time to time. She had been warned about this habit by an Australian friend before she moved there. One of her Australian boyfriends would attend a mens-only cryfest where men would gather, air their feelings and have a good cry.
But, this morning's story also got me thinking of othersituations where men's tears are not a sign of shameful weakness. Death of a loved one, I suppose.
It is drilled into men that anger is the default masculine emotion. At the risk of rank generalizing and essentializing, when women are scared they often cry. When men are scared the react with anger because they can't afford to be seen as weak. That is probably the reason I reacted with anger when I knocked that dog into the river. So, we men choose offence over deescalation. And scared men having a go at each other can cause untold amounts of damage.
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