I have been dating online (on and off) for long enough to know that you cannot take it seriously. As an average-looking (above-average on a good day) guy I also have realistic expectations about the amount of attention I could hope to attract. The general rule of online dating is girls get pestered for sex a lot and most guys get ghosted a lot. I say that with no trace of bitterness. It is just the way it is and if you are not looking for the love of your life or crazy sex than you shouldn't be too bothered it. There seems to be a fundamental mismatch between what most guys and most girls seek from online dating (I am not referring to the hook-up apps but the more general dating apps). Most guys are looking for sex and most girls are looking for emotional connection. If you are girl looking for sex, you can have your pick of the flock. If you are a guy looking for an emotional connection, too bad. I am aware that I am vastly generalizing, but this is also based on conversations with friends.
Initially, I would be quite disappointed if a prospect disappeared but over the years I have learned to not take it to heart. Until you've meet someone in person they are not real to you and ghosting is par for the course. Even now, I do feel disappointed but those times are few and far between. Like I've said before, its better to be ghosted than have someone continue to speak to you out of the niceness of her heart even when there is no chemistry.
Ever since I put on my profile that I am from India, the matches have become more scarce. I don't know if that's because Indian men are perceived as geeky and creepy. In a country where accents are a big deal, having the decidedly uncool Indian accent is a lady-repeller. However, the bit about me being Indian is a good filter. Fewer matches means fewer pointless questions. Someone whom I would be interested to talk also wouldn't be put off by me being Indian anyway
I have one rule though--never message anyone who hasn't replied to your last message.The rule seems obvious because every successive reminder reeks more of desperation, which is a mood-killer. The no-successive-unanswered-messages also helps to keep online prospects at a distance and not get carried away.
However,if you meet your online date in person and fall for them hard while they don't feel the same way, it is painful (although that has never happened to me). But, that is good old-fashioned rejection, which never gets easier to deal with.
Initially, I would be quite disappointed if a prospect disappeared but over the years I have learned to not take it to heart. Until you've meet someone in person they are not real to you and ghosting is par for the course. Even now, I do feel disappointed but those times are few and far between. Like I've said before, its better to be ghosted than have someone continue to speak to you out of the niceness of her heart even when there is no chemistry.
Ever since I put on my profile that I am from India, the matches have become more scarce. I don't know if that's because Indian men are perceived as geeky and creepy. In a country where accents are a big deal, having the decidedly uncool Indian accent is a lady-repeller. However, the bit about me being Indian is a good filter. Fewer matches means fewer pointless questions. Someone whom I would be interested to talk also wouldn't be put off by me being Indian anyway
I have one rule though--never message anyone who hasn't replied to your last message.The rule seems obvious because every successive reminder reeks more of desperation, which is a mood-killer. The no-successive-unanswered-messages also helps to keep online prospects at a distance and not get carried away.
However,if you meet your online date in person and fall for them hard while they don't feel the same way, it is painful (although that has never happened to me). But, that is good old-fashioned rejection, which never gets easier to deal with.
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