Modern Love

I discovered New York Times' Modern Love column around the end of last year. It describes itself as a collection of stories about the joys and tribulations of love, and not just romantic love. Some of the stories really resonated with me and the personal situation I was going through at the time. But, this post is about personal essays, or rather the difference between personal essays and therapeutic writing. All the modern love columns I have read so far were very emotional and most of  them had a lot of angst in them. Loneliness, grief, heartbreak, guilt were in abundance. But, angst by itself isn't very interesting. To write a personal essay, one has to move beyond angst. If the angst is overwhelming it is probably better to opt for therapeutic writing (or other forms of therapy) instead of writing a personal essay. Or at least wait for the angst to  subside enough that you can step outside of it and look at it somewhat dispassionately. Many of the essayists waited for years after a particular incident or episode to write about it in their essays, possibly as time and space can give you a better perspective.

The reason that stories about angst are usually boring is because there is little in it for other people. Most people have enough angst in their own lives to desire to wallow in that of others. Your description of your angst may chime with someone, as a result of which they might feel less alone. That can be valuable, and I don't want to dismiss this possibility. But for it appeal to people that are not going through the exact same thing that you are, there needs to be something more. If one can write about the journey from angst to a better place (which is not freedom from angst but a new perspective on it) then it has lessons for other people. It is good to learn from the angst of others instead of trying to learn everything from your own angst.

Of course, angst can be beautiful too, but only in art. Some novels and poems bring tears to my eyes, not because they are sad (which they are) but because they are beautiful.