In Defense of Ghosting

For the uninitiated, ghosting is when someone you are in touch with, typically a romantic interest, disappears without warning. Naturally, it is easier to ghost strangers, whom you probably met online, than people you might encounter in your daily life. I have been ghosted a number of times, as I am sure most people have, and don't think much about it any more. Of course, it has taken a number of years to develop this attitude. In fact, as you become a better judge of these situations, you realize when your connection with someone starts fraying, so the ghosting doesn't come as a surprise. Sometimes, it comes as a relief, especially when you can't bring yourself to ghost the opposite person. I feel it is perfectly acceptable to ghost someone you've met recently or are yet to meet in person, especially for women who can't be sure how a man will react if rejected. Over the years, I have learnt that everyone has complex inner lives and if someone seems reluctant to be with you it is best to move on without cursing yourself or the other person. It can hurt a lot if you fancy the person, but such is life. The other option, of course, is to tie yourself up in knots thinking about why they rejected you or what you could have done differently. It is difficult enough to fathom one's own motives or intentions and neigh impossible to fathom someone else's, so good luck with that. 

I do think ghosting is the coward's way out if you have a relationship, romantic or platonic, with that person and don't consider them dangerous or toxic. Ghosting makes a person feel small, insignificant or, worse, that they have done something grievously wrong (if they  have you should, ideally, tell them). That said, I don't think ghosting comes in the way of closure. And, I say that as someone who has been ghosted by a person I really fancied and on another occasion by a dear friend. Rejection is always difficult to accept, and there is  no cause to believe that reason the person is giving you for rejecting you is true. He or she might be trying to spare your feelings, for instance. You eventually figure out the reasons for the rejection on your own or you don't.

But, being ghosted by someone you have a relationship with does irrevocably change your opinion of that person. I believe one should accept admiration or affection with grace and also turn them down with grace. Let them go, but let them  go easily. I know it is easier to do that as a man when you usually don't have to worry about the other person stalking you, or worse. But, ghosting is just an unkind way of treating people. And, sometimes I feel kindness is all that we can aim for. We often hurt people without meaning to and the worst consequences can come from the best intentions. So, the least we can do is try to be kind, even when we are not feeling kindly.