Lockdown No. 2

 I woke up to news that the government will announce a second national one-month lockdown to start next week. Unlike the first lockdown, schools are universities will remain open, though I doubt for very long. I give it two weeks. Life doesn't rally change for me. In fact, it might change for the better if my annoying housemate spends the lockdown with her parents. I have decided to continue working from university until they close down the campus. The decision to keep universities open is a terrible one, and I sympathize with colleagues being forced to teach face to face. But, if the university campus is going to remain open, I am going to keep going without feeling guilty about it. Working out of university involves minimal Covid risk, is good for my mental health as well as my productivity, so why stop? I have been girding myself for a tough winter for months, and I am not going to make it tougher on myself with needless guilt. 

Maxims for Winter

In the past few months, I have increased my reliance on maxims, so much so that I have them written on posit-it notes in fromnt of my desk at home and at work. What should my maxim be for getting through this winter, especially as I don't just want to survive, I want to thrive. Not only do I want to stay Covid-free, I want to finish my PhD and get a job. So, the universally applicable "this too shall pass" is not good enough. Other contenders? I am leaning towards something super simple like "breathe", which I have in front of my desk at work, but not at home. I have written before about how the breath transcends the physical, the mental and emotional spheres. When you focus on your breath, the world outside your body ceases to exist, if only for a few seconds. your body becomes your world. It is like a simultaneous physical, mental and emotional reset. I often feel a wave of calm wash over my body. The only comparable feeling in physical terms is when I experience sexual release. 

So, yes, I am going to go with "Breathe!". I don't need anything that makes me think because chances are my mind will be over-stimulated as it is. I definitely do not need something new-agey like "Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling".

Harmonious Action in Tough Times

 This has been a tough week. As the second wave of Covid envelopes us, my anxiety level has been rising, and the non-Covid news has also been relentlessly. And, just to add to the general air of frustration and helplessness, my shoulder shows no signs of improving. Today, when I saw that Labour suspended Jeremy Corbyn, I had just returned from a walk in the rain to clear. I groaned, as the news sent me into paroxysms of rage. At the current rate of bad news, I would have to walk all day to clear my head. I managed to complete my job application, but apart from that the day was a disaster. And, to top it all, I had possibly the lousiest session of online yoga ever. In a typical session, there are usually one or maximum two exercises that don't suit your body. This particular routine was filled with them. Instead of leaving the yoga mat feeling more clam and collected, I was quivering with frustration. 

As Adrienne says, "these things happen. they are beyond our control". Life asks us to spin many plates at the same time. The good ones distract us from the bad ones, but sometimes it happens that we are spinning mostly bad plates. Such moments are tough. All we can is do our best, ware that our best might not be enough to change outcomes. and, by best, I don't necessarily mean hard but harmonious. Harmonious with our world-which includes our mental, physical and emotional beings. With time, one gets better at listening to these different beings, and deciding the most harmonious course of action or inaction. one also becomes better at being peace with the world when it doesn't resond to our harmonious actions with the outcomes we desire. 

Mid-Day Walk

 I have started going on mid-day walks in the vicinity of the uni whenever the weather permits. I started going on walks to spend some time away from my desk and give some respite to my eyes and impinged shoulder. I noticed that I had too little progress to show for all the time I was spending at my desk at uni. So, I decided to consciously spend less time at my desk. I haven't noticed a jump in my productivity since, but at least it is better for my body. Spending time outdoors during autumn/winter is also good for my mood. I can't remember the last time I didn't leave the house at least once in 24 hours. Yesterday, I foudn a new route that took me into bonafide woods. This is England, so one is never too far away from habitation. But, I had earphones on, and a willingness to unsee the house roof tops that occasionally sawm into view, so I had a very nice walk. Its a pity that the route will be too muddy to frequent during autumn/winter. But, come spring, I can see myself going there quite often. 

Living under constant threat of a lockdown, I find myself grasping every opportunity to do something that would be prohibited under lockdown. Meeting friends, working from uni. Last week, I thought I would work from home on a particularly rainy day, thinking it would serve as an acclimatization exercise for the inevitable looming lockdown. But I just couldn't bear to sit at home and realised that it was a silly idea to practice for lockdown when we are not locked down. If and when we are locked down, I will be disappointed but I definitely will be able to cope like the last time. There is no point in practicing to cope in a situation where you have no choice but to cope. 

Thinking About Writing Acknowledgements Too Soon

Last night, I read a Facebook post by an acquaintance about writing the acknowledgements of her PhD thesis. It went through all the people she was grateful for, ending with her saying she had decided not to have an acknowledgements page. It was nice to see someone else who was not a fan of acknowledgments. I didn't have one for my Master' thesis, and was toying with the idea of not having one for my PhD. Friends have helped me as friends, and family had supported me as family does, and my supervisor is brilliant and kind-hearted, if a little difficult to get hold of. But mostly by good fortune, but also by my hard-work and self-belief, I hadn't need "saving". There is no one who has made an sized contribution to my PHD, a person whom I can say if not them, I wouldn't be writing these words, or some such. Until it struck me that I was speaking to soon because the acknowledgements section is the very last thing people write in their PhD thesis. I am still a couple of months from submission, and might yet need saving. I might still wrack up debts that I might feel need acknowledgement in writing. All I can say is where I am right now, I don't feel like having an acknowledgements section. But my feelings might change when I am at the end of my PhD journey.. There will be a time to discuss my thoughts and feelings about writing acknowledgments, whether it is Anglo-centric, etc. etc. But now is not the time for that. There is still a lot of work to be done.  

The Long Winter Begins

 The clocks went back last night, making today the first day of winter. I am aware I am treating the end of daylight savings time as a momentous event, but for many of us it the start of a long difficult winter. I don't really mind the shorter days, although I feel discombobulated for the frst week or two on GMT. I spent five of the seven months of GMT+1 at home. Most people are still working from home, so they hae been home since March. I have a lot to do over the next five months--finish my PhD, apply to jobs, while trying not to catch Covid and not to get buffeted by world events--the U.S. election, the prospect of no-deal Brexit, and the progress of the pandemic. And, of course, whatever fresh horror emerges from India. So, it is understandable that may people, myself included, are going into this winter with a sense of trepidation. Who knows what my world and the world will look like when the clocks go forward five months from now? All I can do is pray and hope for the best.

Last Day of Saving Daylight

 The clocks go back tonight, and it will be dark by 5:00 pm tomorrow evening. I have a ritual yoga practice to mark the occasion, so at least that is something to look forward to. Usually, I would be writing about how the days go from being too long in summer to being too long in winter in a flash, with the optimal duration of day and night lasting for approximately a month each in spring and autumn. But, the end of daylight savings time this year is naturally clouded by Covid. We entered lockdown a few days after daylight savings began and it seems like we will be reentering lockdown again in a few weeks. We have only been locked down when the day were long. I don't know which is worse---being locked down in summer, or winter. To be honest, England was never under a strict lockdown and people religiously followed the lenient lockdown for approximately a month. After that, adherence dropped steadily. This time around, all indications are the public will not follow the lockdown. it is going to be an uncertain five months.