Long Flights and Podcasts

 There is an idnian podcaster who does "long-form podcasts", some of which stretch to 8-9 hours. I believe very few people exist who have enough itnersting stuff to say that its saying will take that long. But, on long flights, the usual standards do not apply. I spent most of my 31-hours journey back to the US listening to his podcasts. I don't find more than a handful of his guests, but even that is enough to keep me occupied because of how long the podcasts are. The topics are usually light enough to not require heavy concentration. As someone who is not a sound sleeper, the podcasts are a godsend as they lull me to sleep. When I wake up , chances are the same podcast is still on, and sometimes I rewind it, sometimes I don't. It also helps that I have started choosing a window seat. For years, I would chose an aisle seat so that I wouldn't have to make people move if I needed the toilet but that meant virtually no sleep since passerbys would rub against my broad shoulders. Window seats are great for sleeping, but it van be a tad convenient if you need the toilet and you have big sleepers next to you. On the long leg of the journey, the guy in the aisle seat was asleep most of the time, and when he was awake, the girl in the middle seat took her turn turn to sleep. I don't undersand why big sleeprs choose aisle seatsOn long flights there invariably comes a point when you feel that you have flown for hours, but haven't even reached halfway. Long podcasts help you pass over that bump.

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No airport blog from Mumbai this time as I had neither the time or energy for it. India trips are always heavy on the body, but essential for the soul. This time I had my share of health wobbles--two colds (was under mistaken assumption that a cold gives you immunity for a bit), insomnia, unsettled stomach but no full-blown upset. India trips are always heavy on the body. This particular trip gave me a lot of food for thought as well as impetus for action, but I am not ready to blog about it yet. 

My Personal Writing History

 My recollection of my personal writing history was this: I started this blog in 2006, alternated between two and eight posts till 2009, and gave up personal writing until reviving this blog in January 2018. A few days ago, I went through the Documents folder that has passed through several of my laptops over the years, and realised I was wrong. It turns out that I was also a prolific writer in the intervening years. It is just that most of the posts were so angst-laden that I would not dream of putting them on the blog. And, then, from the year before I revived this blog, there are the files that were part of my therapeutic journey. Therapy gave a purpose and direction to my personal writing. In the process, I learnt that vomitting out your angst can bring momentary relief but little else. While it is better to vent into a diary rather than use a friend or well-wisher as a "garbage bin" (my therapists words) venting alone does not move one along the path towards recovery and healing. I am keen to visit some of the therapeutic learning techniques and exploer whether I can apply some of them to my current project. 

Passport Crisis Averted

 There is nothing like a close shave or mini-crisis to remind oneself to focus on the big picture when one is too caught up in the weeds of day-to-day life. I spent an very anxious half-day today after failing to find my passport this afternoon. Since I am at home in Thane everyone at home got dragged into the search. I had a feeling that the passport was at home, but couldn't bank on that feeling since I am scheduled to return to the US late next week. I had to start preparing for the fact that I might need a new passport and US visa. We reported it lost to the local police and I also filled out an application form for a new passport and took an appointment for the following day. Ultimately, the passport was found by my younger nephew, bless his heart. 

Losing a passport is hardly a crisis in the grand scheme of things, but it is enough of a headache to remind oneself that if one can deal with (mini)-crisis one shoould not fret about non-crises. It reminds me of a blog post I wrote 18 years ago about another close shave that shook me out of a melancholy phase in my life. These are a few lines from the blog post. 

And suddenly I didn’t feel so bad any more. At least no one was dead. As long as there is life there is possibility. Things are never as bad as they are made out to be. As long as there is life you can always retire to fight another day.

Intentional Friendship

 There are few topics I have written about more than friendship. As a long-term singleton who has lived abroad for 10 years, friends have been a huge part of my life. My only blog post to go micro-viral (more than 30 views) written18 years ago was on friendship. After reading that post, a person who became my closest friend for the following six years reached out to me. Up to that point, they had though I was an stuck-up dick. Over the years, I have written about the different types of friendship: such as heart friends--people whom I can spend hours and days with and who are close confidantes; intense friendships that ended, with or without fanfare, but which I deeply cherish; friends that I am intensely fond of but who are not confidantes; the challenges of friendship between men and women. So, what better way to break my blogging hiatus than with another post on friendship? Over the weekend, I spent a few days with a potential romantic interest. Pretty quickly, it was clear that romance was not on the cards, but we had some deep conversations and some bracing debates. Conversations which are reverberating in my head even days after our interaction. As we were saying goodbye, I remarked, somewhat presumptously, that I felt like we were already good friends. They replied that they were not looking for friends. Ouch! The rejection hurt even more than my disappointment that there would be no romance. But, this encounter got me thinking about my own approach to friendship. My first-ever blog has a line that goes"The hand of friendship is easily extended, and need not be withdrawn". That line was written 18 years ago, and I wonder whether it is time to rethink that approach and be more intentional when it comes to friendships, like this person. Friendships are important relationships, and should be not be a consolation prize for failed romantic interests. I have had people who I thought were friends who never made the time and space for me. Maybe they had too much going on in their lives, maybe they just didn't feel we got along as well as I did, who knows? But, the seeming lack of effort on their part did chafe. In contrast, in this instance I had someone say to me that I should manage my expectations about how much we will be in touch once we go our separate ways. I don't think I would ever have the spunk or self-assurance to say that to someone, but I respect people who do. I cannot be your friend because I don't have the time or emotional space in my heart for it, or I do not want to be your friend because in my opinion we did not vibe they way you thought we did. Which of the reasons it is immaterial. And, while I might not have the courage to be this direct, this approach can be adopted in more subtle ways. I have people I feel obliged to reach out to when I am in India even though we are barely in touch, and I don't particularly enjoy our time together. And, I don't think they would lose any sleep if they came to know that I didn't get in touch with them while I was in India. Maybe it is time to say a gentle goodbye to these relationships. 

Qatar

 I arrived in Mumbai from Qatar last night, and not a day too soon. As Middle-Eastern petrostate absolute monarchies go, Qatar is possibly is benign. It is not a stifling religious fundamentalist state like Saudi Arabia, neither does it have a sordid history of trying to engineer regime-change through aerial bombing (that I know of) like the UAE and (also Saudi Arabia.  It has also given the world A-Jazeera, and punches far above its weight in global diplomatic circles. One has to only compare its profile to Kuwait, which is of similar size and wealth, to appreciate how well its done.That doesn't make it a nice place to visit or live. I did not educate myself about the history of Qatar because the place did not inspire me to do so. I am not saying young countries are destined to be cultural wastelands. But, young countries which are also dicatorships are. When all or most forms of cultural expression need sanction from the authorities who have pots of money to give to artists they approve of, you end up with an arts scene like Qatar's--showy but so sanitized that the only pleasure that it can give you is aesthetic. As this post shows, I am not a culutral critic, and I am sure many people have said what I am saying in far more insightful and eloquent ways. If shopping malls and over-the-top entertainment options like indoor ski slopes are not your thing, chances are you won't enjoy Qatar.

Airport blog Boston Dec 2024

This is going to be a short one because the last one was just a week ago, and I also don’t have much time before my flight boards.  I did have some low-key drama getting to the airport. Getting ubers in my college town of Amherst can be tricky, so I was monitoring waiting times to order an Uber to the coach stop. As luck would have it, the waiting time went from 5 minutes a few minutes before I ordered my Uber to nearly 20 minutes when I did. I waited for a few minutes but no Uber driver would accept my ride. Luckily, a bus was leaving at around that time so I cancelled my Uber and I shuffled towards my Uber with my luggage. However, just as I was reaching the bus stop, I realised that I had forgotten my wallet at home. So I had to dump my luggage (luckily, Amherst is safe and small so no one would think an abandoned suitcase is a bomb) and run home. I got back just in time to see the bus pull away. I had resigned myself to getting an Uber all the way to the airport, which is a 2-hour drive when I decided to check the app again. In another twist of fate, an Uber driver accepted my ride, and I reached the stop well before time as my coach was late. Then, on the coach, my stove anxiety kicked in. When I leave the house for a trip I often start feeling anxious about whether I turned the stove off. Actually, this time it started with anxiety about whether I had turned off. I realise its completely irrational as I remember hearing the lick of the thermostat as I was putting my shoes on and pulling the plug out of the socket. But, then I remember hearing another click and also remember thinking “Why is it still clicking if its off?”. And doing nothing about it. Then, I also started to wonder whether I had turned the stove off. I have enough experience of anxiety to know that feeding it, fuels it. I also knew that the anxiety would die down automatically in a few days, even if I got short stabs of it during my long trip. On a previous short trip when I lived in England, I had a similar stove-anxiety attack, but that time I could do nothing about it because I lived alone. This time, all I had to do was mail or call the building management, so I did that, even though I realised that I couldn’t do this every time. So, I will have to make provisions to alleviate my stove anxiety like setting a phone reminder or leaving post-it notes to check the stove before I leave. I have enough of experience of anxiety to know that it has to be managed, not fought all the time.

This has turned into a blog about anxiety, because I don’t have much to say. I am looking forward to my time in Qatar and India, and I have already written about my trepidation about the year ahead.

Airport Blog Greenville December 2024

 I am waiting for my flight back after visiting two of my closest friends in South Carolina over the Thanksgiving break. I had seen both of them on my US visit two years ago after a gap of five years and seven years. However, as life stuff got in the way, I could only see one of them for half an hour next to a fountain in the town center. It was a great trip, and it was nice to see both of them thriving after challenging periods in their lives. In the case of one of them, I only learned of their recent challenges on this trip.  There are friends you don't talk to in ages, but you pick up where you left off when you see them without any awkwardness. However, I talk to these two at least once every few months. Like with my Mumbai trip earlier this year, my heart is full. With this trip, I have visited all the people closest to me who live in the US within four months of moving here, which is an achievement. Now, i have to prepare for the mountain of work waiting for me before my next trip exactly a week from now.