I have been saying Yes when people who ask if I am relieved, I have been telling people who don't even ask that I am relieved. The truth is I don't feel relieved, I don't feel anything. I realise that I have done is a tremendous achievement, even if the PhD is eminently flawed. I am not that person anymore who chastizes themselves for not feeling a certain way. But, I am just curious why I don't feel much and that I have to force myself to feel something. That feeling of lightness which I felt after finishing my first draft in April 2021 still eludes me. Maybe I am distracted by my tummy upset, maybe I am distracted by all the other things that I have to put right in my life. But, I hope there is a reason or this phase is temporary, because I am too young to live out the rest of my life cynically, faking enthusiasm and passion.
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