Intellectual Conversations

 I usually enjoy intellectual conversations, but there was something off about the one I had on the mett-up walk yesterday. At first, I thought it was because I have lost a great deal of intellectual confidence since I started my PhD. And, then, I remembered my time with Shyam in the US. The mark of an intellectual conversation is you are too absorbed in it to think about your pride or whether you are appearing smart. I think it was because we had a minor argument before we had properly established a rapport. I can get a bit aggressive when arguing without meaning to and though I have grown more conscious of that over the years, I suppose some of the aggression lingers. I remember on the US trip when Shyam and I were having a heated and perfectly good-natured argument, the others in the car thought we were rowing. But, without a rapport you don't know if the other person is holding on to their position out of pride or out of genuine belief, and being human, you tend to assume the former.