Today, I went for a MeetUp Internationals event after about seven months. When I was new to Bristol--both in phase 1 and phase 2--I thought Meetups were a good way to meet new people. I would go with them on walks but not on the pub meet-ups thinking that there would be less pressure to socialize. But I later realized that the walks were day-long affairs which required one to be social and make small talk for a good part of the day. To be sure, I did enjoy some walks and had a few interesting conversations. But, all I had in common with most of them was that we were foreigners, and not a very diverse group of foreigners at that. After my initial enthusiasm for making new friends in Bristol waned, I stopped going for the Meetup events.
But, today's event was a guided walk to encourage a mindful connection to nature and to fellow walkers, and since it was just a few hours long, I decided to go. I had a decent enough time, enjoying some activities and finding others a little woo-woo. But, I didn't feel any connection or kinship with the others even though they were decent folks. I also realized how little stamina I had to initiate conversations or to make small talk. As one gets older, one loses the drive to mould oneself into a shape that appeals to society. The onerous emotional labour that such a process entails doesn't seem worth the effort. One learns to avoid situations that exacerbate one's insecurities and make one feel small. The warts and flaws that we fought so hard to fix when we were younger, start to seem more bearable, even endearing. Isn't that what growing up is all about? Trying to make peace with oneself?
But, today's event was a guided walk to encourage a mindful connection to nature and to fellow walkers, and since it was just a few hours long, I decided to go. I had a decent enough time, enjoying some activities and finding others a little woo-woo. But, I didn't feel any connection or kinship with the others even though they were decent folks. I also realized how little stamina I had to initiate conversations or to make small talk. As one gets older, one loses the drive to mould oneself into a shape that appeals to society. The onerous emotional labour that such a process entails doesn't seem worth the effort. One learns to avoid situations that exacerbate one's insecurities and make one feel small. The warts and flaws that we fought so hard to fix when we were younger, start to seem more bearable, even endearing. Isn't that what growing up is all about? Trying to make peace with oneself?
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