Last week, I read an article on schadenfreude, which is taking pleasure in the failures or misfortunes of others. More than scahdenfreude, I often fail to feel sorry enough for the misfortune of dear ones and find myself not sharing in their joys. I used to feel guilty about it too, before I embarked upon changing my relationship to guilt.
It is easy to dismiss scahdenfreude by saying misery loves company. But, one need not be miserable to feel schadenfreude. To fail is human and one need not feel guilty for being reminded of the humanity of others, especially those we admire, or even envy. I would rather feel a momentary dash of scahdenfreude than judge people and see them fall in my estimation following a failure. And schadenfreude is also a humbling reminder of our own humanity.
Also, as the article points out, it is perfectly possible to feel both schadenfreude mixed with sympathy. In fact, as humans we seldom experience emotions as pure unadulterated forces of the heart. We experience emotions as a tantalizing mix of different and simultaneous feelings which are in flux. For instance, love is often laced with envy, lust, resentment, mirth. Expecting to feel unadulterated emotions and berating oneself for not feeling the appropriate pure emotion is a recipe for internal turmoil. The labels that we give emotions are abstractions that help us make sense of our complex reality. But expecting reality to fit into these boxes and into just one box at a time is not a great idea.
Of course, this is not a free pass for bad behaviour under the influence of strong emotions. We have control over our actions--there is a world of difference between feeling jealous and acting jealous. We also have control over the language we use to process our emotions. Changing the language we use to describe our emotions can sometimes blunt their raw force.
It is easy to dismiss scahdenfreude by saying misery loves company. But, one need not be miserable to feel schadenfreude. To fail is human and one need not feel guilty for being reminded of the humanity of others, especially those we admire, or even envy. I would rather feel a momentary dash of scahdenfreude than judge people and see them fall in my estimation following a failure. And schadenfreude is also a humbling reminder of our own humanity.
Also, as the article points out, it is perfectly possible to feel both schadenfreude mixed with sympathy. In fact, as humans we seldom experience emotions as pure unadulterated forces of the heart. We experience emotions as a tantalizing mix of different and simultaneous feelings which are in flux. For instance, love is often laced with envy, lust, resentment, mirth. Expecting to feel unadulterated emotions and berating oneself for not feeling the appropriate pure emotion is a recipe for internal turmoil. The labels that we give emotions are abstractions that help us make sense of our complex reality. But expecting reality to fit into these boxes and into just one box at a time is not a great idea.
Of course, this is not a free pass for bad behaviour under the influence of strong emotions. We have control over our actions--there is a world of difference between feeling jealous and acting jealous. We also have control over the language we use to process our emotions. Changing the language we use to describe our emotions can sometimes blunt their raw force.
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