The #MeToo movement has belatedly come to India and more specifically to my (erstwhile) corner of it--the English language media. Women are outing serial sexual harassers on Twitter and some publications have also carried stories about them. A few people I know of have been named. It doesn't come as a surprise to me that such men exist, but I had never imagined that their doings would come to light. Entitlement to women's bodies seemed like an assured perk for successful males and that didn't look like it was about to change, especially not in hierarchy-conscious misogynistic India.
I don't mean to sound sanctimonious--my behaviour with women has not always been exemplary. There have been some cringe-worthy instances and a few that I was downright ashamed of. However, I made amends in those cases, and I have always taken No for an answer.
I don't expect any of my friends to be outed as sexual predators--that would be a huge shock since all my close male friends have a lot of respect for women, or so I believe.
But the balance has shifted. Some women (in some privileged circles) are no longer prepared to pay the mental, emotional and sometimes physical price for male sexual entitlement. Maybe some cases are about men misjudging the moment rather than actively preying on women. But, why should women have to pay the cost of these men's misjudgements? Some women are demanding that men hold themselves to the same standard that they (these women) hold themselves, and there is nothing wrong with that. It might seem like a revelation to some men that they don't need to try to screw every women they fancy. That it is possible to be sexually attracted to someone without doing anything about it because the price--professional, personal, emotional, mental--of acting on it, for you or for them or for both, is too high. That the urge to act on every sexual urge comes from a tremendous sense of entitlement. Most of us do not manage to hook up with most of the people we fancy. That is just the way the world is.
I don't mean to sound sanctimonious--my behaviour with women has not always been exemplary. There have been some cringe-worthy instances and a few that I was downright ashamed of. However, I made amends in those cases, and I have always taken No for an answer.
I don't expect any of my friends to be outed as sexual predators--that would be a huge shock since all my close male friends have a lot of respect for women, or so I believe.
But the balance has shifted. Some women (in some privileged circles) are no longer prepared to pay the mental, emotional and sometimes physical price for male sexual entitlement. Maybe some cases are about men misjudging the moment rather than actively preying on women. But, why should women have to pay the cost of these men's misjudgements? Some women are demanding that men hold themselves to the same standard that they (these women) hold themselves, and there is nothing wrong with that. It might seem like a revelation to some men that they don't need to try to screw every women they fancy. That it is possible to be sexually attracted to someone without doing anything about it because the price--professional, personal, emotional, mental--of acting on it, for you or for them or for both, is too high. That the urge to act on every sexual urge comes from a tremendous sense of entitlement. Most of us do not manage to hook up with most of the people we fancy. That is just the way the world is.
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