Today's post was supposed to mark six months of my return to England. As anniversary posts usually go, it was supposed to be a tad reflective but mostly laudatory. But, an incident this evening cast a cloud on the anniversary.
I was cycling back from uni through Eastville Park when I passed an obese woman with a nasty scowl on her face. Both of us instantly recognized each other--she was the owner of the dog I had accidentally run into the river last month. I passed by without saying a word and when she called after me, I ignored her, although my heart sank at the fact that she still wanted to engage with me. Maybe just tell me off, maybe tell me that she is suing me for hundreds/thousands of pounds because her blasted dog is dead/seriously hurt.
The incident rattled me, because I had thought the initial incident had been laid to rest. I don't look forward to being nervous about running into her every time I cycle back from uni.
I spent some time thinking about how I should respond if she or the other woman who was with her on the day of the collision run into me again and stop me. Should I pretend to be someone else? But, I am bad liar, and although I could have been more careful, I really don't think I did anything wrong. I was sorry I lost my temper at them, but they started screaming and abusing me first. They seem like generally unsavory characters and I will do my best to avoid them if I can. But taking a different cycle route or a bus on the off chance that I will run into them again is simply not an option. I am scared of running into them but I refuse to let that fear dictate my decisions.
I feel better after telling a few people about the incident and their reaction.They agree that the women seem thoroughly unpleasant and that I should do my best to avoid them. The good thing is I have for the most part ditched my male pride which says I shouldn't be scared, and certainly not of women. No foolish business, like telling myself to Man Up. It is okay to be scared, it is okay to go out of your way to avoid unpleasantness, But if an encounter with them is unavoidable, I will be firm but not unpleasant. I will try to keep my cool.
Accepting fear, rather than fighting it, is not an easy process, but I feel like I am becoming better at it. Accepting fear is not the same as being controlled by it. In fact, you are more in the thrall of fear when you try to resist it and that resistance can express itself in destructive ways, both for yourself and the world.
I was cycling back from uni through Eastville Park when I passed an obese woman with a nasty scowl on her face. Both of us instantly recognized each other--she was the owner of the dog I had accidentally run into the river last month. I passed by without saying a word and when she called after me, I ignored her, although my heart sank at the fact that she still wanted to engage with me. Maybe just tell me off, maybe tell me that she is suing me for hundreds/thousands of pounds because her blasted dog is dead/seriously hurt.
The incident rattled me, because I had thought the initial incident had been laid to rest. I don't look forward to being nervous about running into her every time I cycle back from uni.
I spent some time thinking about how I should respond if she or the other woman who was with her on the day of the collision run into me again and stop me. Should I pretend to be someone else? But, I am bad liar, and although I could have been more careful, I really don't think I did anything wrong. I was sorry I lost my temper at them, but they started screaming and abusing me first. They seem like generally unsavory characters and I will do my best to avoid them if I can. But taking a different cycle route or a bus on the off chance that I will run into them again is simply not an option. I am scared of running into them but I refuse to let that fear dictate my decisions.
I feel better after telling a few people about the incident and their reaction.They agree that the women seem thoroughly unpleasant and that I should do my best to avoid them. The good thing is I have for the most part ditched my male pride which says I shouldn't be scared, and certainly not of women. No foolish business, like telling myself to Man Up. It is okay to be scared, it is okay to go out of your way to avoid unpleasantness, But if an encounter with them is unavoidable, I will be firm but not unpleasant. I will try to keep my cool.
Accepting fear, rather than fighting it, is not an easy process, but I feel like I am becoming better at it. Accepting fear is not the same as being controlled by it. In fact, you are more in the thrall of fear when you try to resist it and that resistance can express itself in destructive ways, both for yourself and the world.
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