Indecision

I have never seen myself as someone who keeps changing their mind, but maybe the uncertain times we live in are getting to me. In the space of two days, I have jogged between sharing a two-bed house with a friend to moving into a shared house with strangers before settling on looking for a three-bed house with two friends. The decision I have settled upon is a gut decision, and might not be the most pragmatic but it is the one I feel some enthusiasm for. I have already identified potential problems with the plan and maybe my enthusiasm will die over the next couple of days. But, at least I can say I tried my best to improve my housing situation instead of simply moaning about it and blaming later-day capitalism.

Renting Diary

I had my first viewing in my house hunt today. Having girded myself for a long and painful process, I was pleasantly surprised when I got a lead on the first day of my search. I didn't fall in love with the house and neither did I dislike it. It had its pros and cons. For all my complaints against it, my current house has some tangible advantages, namely location and shop vicinity and a bright bedroom of decent proportions. But, I have realised for some time now that the disadvantages have been out weighing the advantages for some time now, and it is time to leave. I am aware that I will have to adjust to a new housing system. My move may not be so much a change of scenes as a change of peeves. And sometimes that is all you need.

Cold Snap

I had forgotten how unpleasant it can be cycling to uni in the cold. That it was my first time up the slope since returning from India made it worse. My lungs were gasping for air and my thighs were burning even before I was halfway up. By sheer grit, I made it to the top of the hill, but I had already started dreading the next day's commute. Given that it is sniffles season, I was also wary of picking up a cold. All in all, not a great reacquaintance with my daily commute. I remember earlier this year when a middle-aged man passed me on his bike and exclaimed with a grimace, "It doesn't get easier, does it?" and that is so true! I have been cycling up that route for a year and a half and it still feels as difficult as it did on the first day. Granted, I don't have a great bike, but surely my stamina should have improved over time? Not a great advertisement for training progress. 

Clocks Go Back and I Move Forward on My House Search

The clocks went back last midnight and I commemorated the occasion by doing a Cozy Yoga with Adrienne session this evening, just as I had last year. I suppose this is my way of marking the start of winter. This is the only yoga session that feels wrong if done in any other season than winter. And,  winter is as much about the shorter days as about the cold. I don't mind the shorter days as much as most people because I enjoy darkness. Doing yoga in the darkness, drinking tea in the darkness or just listening to Spotify or a podcast are uniquely tranquil experiences. I associate winter with reflection and restoration and since I am an active person, I seldom feel the winter blues. Living according to the season is a nice experience and makes one feel harmonious with nature, even as climate change upends the natural order.
I also took the first step in my house search today. I barely know anyone who is happy with their housing situation and realize that the search is likely to be a stressful and agonizing experience. All I can try to do is keep in good humour and not let the search take over my life. I will have to draw on all my founts of positivity and resourcefulness as I negotiate the cycle of hope and despair. 

Wisdom and Humility

We live in an age of great tumult, and it pays to not cling to opinions too tightly, or at least be open to opposing ones. I had a discussion with a friend about feminism yesterday, and a few months ago, I would have dismissed her views as out-dated and anti-feminist. Yesterday, I was more prepared to listen to her views, and while we disagreed on most points, there were a few points of agreement that I would have missed had I been my previous dogmatic self. These past few months, I have been much more skeptical of my own intellectual abilities, and for someone that is prone to overconfidence, that is a good thing. "I feel this way, but what do I know?" is a healthy attitude to have. Dismissing people or their opinion's as inane is easy, but not constructive. Maybe they are inane but its not really your business unless you plan on marrying them or developing deep friendships with them. It is better to let them have their say and suspend  judgement because who knows, they might sway you.

Back in Bristol

After a long and tiring but uneventful journey, I arrived in Bristol around noon today. The India chapter ended without incident. My fear of contracting dengue, which was a constant source of anxiety for me, did not materialize, and I reached Bristol hale but tired. I spent the afternoon unpacking and buying groceries and did some yoga in the evening. A productive and thoroughly satisfying day, despite the fatigue one would expect after a long journey. Since leaving Bombay, I haven't been in anyone's company and it feels really good. India can leave me gasping for space, and it didn't help that it was a full house on this trip.
Here in Bristol, autumn is upon us and there is a nip in the air. Quite a refreshing change from hot and sultry Mumbai. I felt  quite relaxed today even though I fortified myself with a large capacuinno to keep from falling asleep. I was waiting for my energy levels to crash towards the evening but that hasn't happened yet. Maybe the caffeine is still coursing through my veins. For someone who barely slept the previous night, I feel more energetic than I did, on average, in Mumbai. Maybe I'm just feeling the feel-good vibes because of the change of scene, but it does feel good to be back. The next 12 months are going to be challenging, but I feel like I am facing challenges I was meant to be facing, if that makes some sense. Challenges which I feel I am equipped to face. Challenges that provoke me to work harder not feel disillusioned and stuck in a place I don't want to be in. 

Airport Blog

Airport blogs are a little time honoured tradition for me, and this one might not even make it to the blog, because it is going to be a rant. I feel exhausted, I feel like India is letting me leave after squeezing every drop of energy from me. Nothing is easy here. Just from my day today—it took ages to close a bank account, it took ages to get to the airport. I had booked a flight during earthly hours so that my parents wouldn’t have to stay up late or wake up in the middle of the night to drop me off to the airport. But, I know think that would have been the better option as they wouldn’t have to spend 4 hours in the car. I am feeling the collective exhaustion of both trips this year, which tally up to almost 5 months in India. It didn’t help that my sister and her family, bless her, were staying with my parents during my second visit. I can write endless reams analysing why it is so difficult for me to share personal space. Or I can accept that it is and try to make myself as comfortable as I can while trying not to step on any toes. I am going to take it easy for the next few days as I fear that if I keep pushing myself I will fall sick. The next 12 months are going to be intense, so it is best to pace myself. I feel like my traditional supports have not been as useful on this trip. And as I speak, a group of noisy girls just sat down beside me. I really feel like India is fucking with me now. But what do I do?