Nice Men

 I recently came across a twitter thread from a male dating coach for men about the scourge of Nice Men. A lot of women have written about men who are ostensibly "nice" and very vocal about how nice they are, hoping to win medals from women for their niceness. These are men who are nice beacuse they know they cannot get away wth being ass-holes. Because they don't have the looks, intelligence, talent, wealth, personality or anyone of the other virtues that move people to ignore your vices, at least temoporarily. At least the ass-holes are candid about what they want from women--which is usually sex--unlike nice men, who also want the same thing, but coupled with oodles of validation for their niceness. nice men often don't take rejection nicely. People, mostly women, have written reams about this online. This twitter thread was about the difference between niceness and kindness, which according to the poster, was mostly about being able to set boundaries. Needy people hesitate to set boundaries because they feel that will drive people away. Kind people accept that boudnaries might drive some people away but will lead to more authentic interactions with those that stay. If you are a nice person trying to turn into a kind person, you might try to overcompensate by being assertive when you don't need to be. If you are a caring, sensitive person with an anxious attachment style, the thing to work on is the attchment style, not the caring, sensitive bit.