Tonight is my last night in Bristol before I travel to India. I am happy to be going home after exactly one year and I will be happy to return after three months. I can't help thinking how different going home this time is from last time. Last time, I made the decision to return home in the morning and flew out the same evening. This time I am going back with a sense of pride. I am happy, in good health and I will proudly preen in front of family and friends who have seen me when I was in the pits. It took courage to return to Bristol at the beginning of last year. There was the everpresent fear that the slightest knock would send me sprawling into the pits again. But in my heart of hearts I knew that my destiny was in England and I had to come back.
I will miss Bristol. Over the past few months, I have grown to quite like the city and have started thinking of a future here after my PhD. On the social front, my social life has improved even as my need for socializing has reduced. When I return to Bristol in the spring, I will have friends waiting for me, unlike last January, when I had no one.
This almost feels like a dream. I haven't felt so content with life in many years. So, obviously, the thought that this is a mirage that will vanish in a trice is lurking at the back of my mind. After years of discontent and anomie, one starts to feel that one doesn't deserve any better. But sometimes we get what we deserve and sometimes we don't. All we can do is try to not do anything that would cloud our conscience. If our good fortune hasn't arrived on the back of someone else's misery, what's not to deserve?
I will miss Bristol. Over the past few months, I have grown to quite like the city and have started thinking of a future here after my PhD. On the social front, my social life has improved even as my need for socializing has reduced. When I return to Bristol in the spring, I will have friends waiting for me, unlike last January, when I had no one.
This almost feels like a dream. I haven't felt so content with life in many years. So, obviously, the thought that this is a mirage that will vanish in a trice is lurking at the back of my mind. After years of discontent and anomie, one starts to feel that one doesn't deserve any better. But sometimes we get what we deserve and sometimes we don't. All we can do is try to not do anything that would cloud our conscience. If our good fortune hasn't arrived on the back of someone else's misery, what's not to deserve?
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