On Boundaries

Someone I follow on Instagram wrote a few weeks ago; "So much of the suffering I see in my friends and clients comes from not asserting their needs and boundaries strongly enough. So much of my own suffering has come from asserting my needs and boundaries too strongly. Finding the sweet spot is the key". Yes, the elusive sweet spot. It has become fashionable to talk about how one must assert their boundaries. Much less about how boundaries asserted too strongly can hurt relationships. And, also that boundaries are not set in stone, and one must be open to having them shift. At least the faint boundaries, not the well-defined ones. I was in a situation where I discovered I had boundaries after they were crossed. I committed to something that I didn't feel comfortable committing to, and I didn't want to row back on my commitment for fear of not just appearing trustworthy but feeling trustworthy. Some would say that's the classic guilt response of someone who is conflict-averse and not used to asserting their boundaries. But, here is the thing. Sometimes, we have boundaries that we wouldn't want to encounter in the people we interact with. I clearly felt so, in this instance. If I was in the same situation as the person who stepped over my boundaries, I wouldn't want the opposite person to feel the way I do. Are our boundaries sacrosanct? Sometimes the answer to the question of "Why is this bothering me so much?" is not validate the feeling as legitimate, but to make a conscious decision not to let it bother you so much.