First Time Lecturing

 Tomorrow, will be first time lecturing, the first of many if I manage to stay in academia. I spent most of yesterday and a bit of today preparing. I also spent a few hours in panic that I just didn't have enough stuff to occupy the time. That has always been my biggest fear about lecturing--that I will run out of material within 20-25 minutes and wouldn't know what to do for the rest of the hour. I am supposed to give two lectures tomorrow, with the second repeated for a new batch of students. I practiced the first lecture to time and am confident that I won't finish in less than half an hour. But, I didn't practice the second one to time. It started to feel like I was rehearsing for a play. A lecture is supposed to be an active intellectual activity and I may find something new to say at the spur of the moment. If I am too preoccupied with remembering my lines during the lecture. I will not be fully present. A lecture is a conversation after all, even if it will mostly be me talking. Of course, one should prepare well so that students are able to follow the train of thought. I don't think I will ever rock up to a class and give an extempore lecture, and definitely not for my first time lecturing. But, over-preparation can also kill your enthusiasm for the topic.