Hike With The Ramblers

 My first proper hike since 2017. It was with a group called The Ramblers, which is apparently a very old and well-established organisation with radical-left working-class origins. I and a guy who sounded Eastern European, and had rocked up with nothing but a bottle of coca cola tucked into his back pocket, were the only foreigners. I was also the youngest person by a large margin, but I didn't feel out of place at all. I have always felt like an old soul and I got along well with everyone. On my meet-up walks with the international group, I always feel like I have to initiate conversation, and I assumed that is because I have a slightly cold manner. To be sure, I have met some interesting people through the international group, and I count one as a friend and a few others as more than acquaintances, but not quite friends. But, with most others, the conversation drags because the only thing we have in common is the fact we are both foreigners. And, since the walks are so relaxed, socializing is a big part of them. But, today was about serious hiking. We set off at a brisk pace, stops were pre-decided and timed, and although it was like an army march, there was no mucking about. It felt good to be around people who are passionate about being in the hills/mountains. Also, I don't remember being bored even once. There were some very experienced hikers and I got some good tips for my upcoming Nepal trek. All in all, a very good day. 

Marxism

This is not an academic blog and I don't want to start an academic discussion here. But, today, in our online discussion group, it was me against a group of Marxists. The discussion was very amicable, but it reminded me about less amicable discussions with my parents, who are ardent Marxists. The biggest barrier to debating Marxists is the terminology. Fictitious capital, valorisation, exploitation, etc. And, this may seem harsh, but many Marxists don't use precise definitions. They have a gut-level instinctive attraction for Marxist ideas, which is fine. We are often attracted to ideas, without being able to articulate our understanding of them. But, then, it is difficult to convince people who don't share that gut-level instinctual fascination. Its not a school of thought, but a lens that demands a lot from the wearer. There are no reluctant or wavering Marxists. Your are either a staunch one or you are not a Marxist. Also, I find many Marxist concepts are so loosely defined that its possible to fit almost any reality. For instance, almost anything can be termed as a contradiction of capitalism. In today's world, its not difficult to spot "over-accumulation", etc. and Marxists love to say, "I told you so" after a crisis, even thought most Marxists explanations of crises have barely changed since Marx's times. I realise I may be a bit unfair here and may not have read enough Marx or Marxists. 

Privilege Guilt

 I suppose all social scientists struggle to connect with people who don't share their political views. Or, maybe, only the sanctimonious ones do. The meet-up walk to Brecon beacons yesterday had two South Africans. I am wary of bringing up the topic of race with white South Africans, just as I would never bring up the question of caste or Modi with Indians. I stay away from these topics because chances are, I wouldn't like what I hear. Living in countries as riven with disparities is South Africa and India requires one to unsee stuff that would horrify an outsider. I want to say the conversation naturally turned towards race, but the truth is I was curious about their views. So, I brought up JM Coetzee, who is one of my favourite authors. He is a white South African, but race relations are a big theme in his novels, and he writs sensitively and incisively. The South African woman on the trek said his white characters are always villains and black characters are saints. I replied that that wasn't the case, at least in one of his most famous works. She admitted the point, but mentioned a more recent work that I hadn't read. And, then she talked about how Black South Africans don't see racism as their biggest problem, and are more concerned about poverty, corruption, etc. I remained silent, but felt like a sanctimonious twat afterwards. I remember feeling distinctly uncomfortable when a conversation with a friend and her friend turned to privileged Indians. At the time, I felt that I am well aware of my privilege, and didn't need to be reminded about it by someone who I had just met, and who had already pissed me off for an unrelated reason. But, I suppose everyone get uncomfortable when their privilege is brought up. The ones who are not aware of it. But, even people who are aware of it like to talk about it on their own terms and I have to admit that there is some virtue-signaling involved, at least in my case. 

Personal Tutees and Suicide

I just heard that one of my friends personal tutees committed suicide. The worst fear of everyone personal tutor came through in this case. I have decided to track all my personal tutees who are AWOL and write to them tomorrow. This is partly an exercise in ass-covering, partly in assuaging guilt in advance and partly out of concern for my students. But, one thing we have to keep in mind that we have too little influence or involvement in these students' lives. Yes, shows of concern and kindness can help a mildly depressed student feel better. But, its not going to do much for a moderately or severely depressed student. We are not trained counsellors, and the most we can do to a distressed student who approaches us  is direct them towards someone else. We are the school's cynical attempt to show students that they care. But, all we can do is show compassion in such cases. And compassion is great, but I'm guessing it cannot help prevent suicide. Our students have whole lives outside the ambit of their university classrooms. Our students are enigmas to us. Our contact with them is minimal in terms of time and impact. Parents may lash out to us to assuage their own guilt, but that doesn't make us guilty. 

To be Guided or Not to Be Guided

 I am still trying to organize my trek to Nepal and one of the questions that I have worked myself into a tizzy about whether to go guided or unguided. I wouldn't have minded a guided group but it is seeming increasingly unlikely that I will be able to join a group. So, looks like its just going to be me and a guide. being with a guide has its obvious pros--don't have to worry about the route, logistics, etc, and I can focus on enjoying the mountains. I have been to Nepal before but I am not an experienced enough trekker to be able to do it unguided without confidence. However, being an introvert, the first question that came to my mind is what do I talk to him about for 8 plus hours a day for seven days? With a group, I could have relied on the more chatty members to engage with the guide for a bulk of the time. And walking alone in the mountains has its own charm. However, the law has changed in Nepal, so the routes along which you can go unguided are few and far between. And, I earn in pounds now, and while I am not a high earner by any stretch of imagination, I would probably be comfortably rich in Nepal. My right to wanderlust or to find myself doesn't come before the right of people in one of the poorest countries in the world to earn a livelihood. So, at the end of the day, its an easy decision. A guided trek it is. 

Another Blah Meet-Up

 This was last evening, but I was too tired to write about it yesterday. In a post I had written more than four years ago, I had talked about why I avoided pub socials, and this meet-up reminded me that I was write. In pub socials, you are stick with the people you are seated beside. If they bore you, excusing yourself and inserting yourself into another conversation takes a level of tact and effort that I struggle to muster,. So, I just sat there with my beer, waiting till it wouldn't feel to weird or rude to leave. Finding intelligent people who share your interests is not easy, and you are unlikely to find them in a random group of strangers. Similar sense of humour, life experiences, interests, you need something to keep the conversation going. Which is why I so miss the book club, even though I was the only bloke there for most of the meetings. But, one lives and learns. I now live in a house that I don't feel the need to escape from, so I can afford to be more selective in my choice of engagements. 

How Much To Prep for A Lecture.

 Tomorrow if the first of my final week of lecturing this semester. When I first started lecturing, I would practice my lectures to time. Now, I have started to explore spontaneity. I think in the process of writing, so maybe lecturing is similar. New ideas, new insights may hit me when I am in the act of lecturing. Or, so I hope. The truth is the students are uninterested and uninformed, and lecturing them is a drag. SO, its not just an experiment with spontaneity, it is also a lack of enthusiasm on my part. I started out with hopes of reworking my course material from last year, which I was not very happy with. I ended up barely reworking anything. This lack of enthusiasm for both teaching and research will pass. Or I will find something else or someone else to be excited about. How long can I go through life coasting?