Encounters with the Master Race

As I watched the video of a white woman calling the cops on a black man for asking her to follow park rules and leash her dog, my mind went back to the only ugly counter I have had with strangers in England so far. The time when I accidentally knocked a dog into the river with my bicycle. The dog owners were livid, and a screaming match between us ensued. But, luckily for me the were mixed-race lesbians and didn't appear to be middle-class. If it was a hysterical white middle-class woman in their place, things could have turned out very differently. I reacted angrily out of instinct. If I am in a similar situation again, I am pretty sure I won't react in the same way. As a recent immigrant, I wasn't aware of my "station" and the possible repercussions of messing with people above my station. Just like the black British writer who lost his way on a car trip in rural America and approached a house for directions, only to be chased away with a shotgun. I was aware of racism in Britain even before I moved here. But, I wasn't aware of how racism manifests itself and the various social mores that one must familiarize oneself to minimize the chances of ugly encounters. 

Summer Evenings

During my first summer in Europe back in 2015, I discovered that I find it more difficult to the longer days of summer than the shorter days of winters. I have also discovered I don't sleep well during the summer. At first, I thought it was because the blinds in the rooms where I was staying were not thick enough. But, my current room has good blinds, so that can't be it. With the longer days and lockdown, there are also more people about even post 9 pm. I suppose people who would ordinarily be in pubs and restaurants are spending time outdoors instead. At first, I thought I would stop going for my post-dinner works until the days started getting shorter. But, it turns out I also have more energy during the summers, and could also do with some time away from screens. So, I have decided to listen to podcasts on my evening walks, so that I am less bothered by the presence of people. It seems like the most obvious thing to do, and I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. 

Full of Beans

 I had a meeting with my PhD supervisors today and they gave me a choice whether I wanted to set myself a stiff deadline or not. I asked for a few days but I'm pretty sure I am going to take the deadline. I have sent months meandering in the doldrums and this deadline feels like a call to arms. I suddenly feel full of beans and am not sure whether this nervous energy or just plain enthusiasm. I realise none of this is going to be easy and this unbridled enthusiasm could soon turn to heavy dejection. But I shall cross that bridge when I come to it. 

Closure

I just got a message from a girl I had a virtual date with a few days ago. We spoke for an hour or so and the conversation was interesting enough, but we didn't hit it off. At the end, when she asked if I wanted to stay in touch, I am sure I didn't sound enthusiastic when I said yes. I told her we could exchange numbers. Immediately after the call I sent her my phone number but got no response till tonight. She wrote to say that she didn't think we have enough in common and was not keen on keeping in touch. I immediately felt better.
Being ghosted sucks, even if you have little interest in the person ghosting you. It makes you feel small and disrespected. I have never ghosted anyone, although as an introverted cishet male who doesn't look like an Adonis its not like I have had plenty of opportunity to ghost. I understand ghosting might be an appealing option for women as men are quite likely to respond to rejection with anger and/or abuse. So kudos to women to take the trouble to write back to turn down men they've never met.

First-World Gratitude

I was going to write a post on how most of my current problems are first-world problems. But, at the last moment, I decided to drop the negative framing and turn it into a post about gratitude. Telling someone or yourself that their or your problems are trivial seldom helps, and is a form of mild gaslighting. Indeed, the line between being dismissive of someone's troubles and being reassuring is a thin one. The heart feels what it feels, and doesn't bend to logic or reason or even perspective very easily. Instead, I want to try to focus on what I am grateful for. To put it very succinctly, I am grateful for my mental and  physical wealth, and that of my near and dear ones, and an absence of food//money troubles. I wouldn't trade the things I am grateful for the resolution of my current troubles--that is a no-brainer. Yes, its not easy to focus on the positives when you are feeling low, but one can always try. 

The Problem with Online Dating

It is common knowledge that there are more men than women on online dating apps, in some cases multiples more. It also common knowledge that most men swipe right on every women, which multiplies their number even more. So, a guy whose only interests are going to the pub and watching football would swipe right on a geeky scientist even though they are not compatible at all. And the geeky scientist has to wade through dozens of such likes. In my uneducated opinion, this is the biggest problem for dating apps and solving it would require a big behavioural shift in men.

Dating apps have sought to get around this problem my  limiting the number of right swipes for non-paying men. But, since their revenue model revolves around getting heterosexual men to pay. So, as long as you pay, you get unlimited right swipes. I read somewhere that dating apps are designed to be experienced like slot machines. Small occasional wins that keep you coming back for more. But, if your whole business model is to get men 'addicted' to the app, you can't turn around and complain if men behave like addicts, and swipe right on every female in search of their next hit. People will pay if it thinks it will help them find love and companionship but they won't keep paying YOU if they keep being disappointed. They will move on to the next app. 

Catastrophic Thinking

When we are faced with a bleak scenario, it is easy to assume the worst. Purely as an intellectual pursuit, it is a win-win proposition. You have the satisfaction of being proved right or the relief that the worst outcome didn't materialize. Which is fine, unless you start buying into your gloomy outlook too heavily and close yourself to the possibility that it may not materialize. And, related oourunities that might come your way. For instance, that Covid-19 poses an existential threat to UK higher education, which was already weakened by decades of marketisation. Ergo, my chances of landing a job or post-doc in the next 12 months are slim to none. While this is unquestionably true, it is dangerous if I stop keeping an open mind to job/post-doc possibilities. I firmly believe things seldom turn out as bad you fear or as well as you hope.