Odds on Online Dating

Today, I learned that there as three times as many men as women online. So, the lesson is, if you are a man, its best not to take being ghosted too personally. Chances are you just got lost in the crowd of men wooing an attractive girl. She didn't pick you up and discard you. After a while, online dating can seem like a public referendum on your attractiveness that you are losing badly. But, it is best to be as aware as possible of the environment you are operating and best not get too ambitious. If you are a man, the odds are stacked against you and if you are Asian, even more so.  

Manic Monday Redux

Why do my manic days only fall on a Monday, and why do most of them involve my cycle. I was ready to leave for uni at 6:30 am this morning, all set for a bright and shiny start to the week, when I noticed I had a flat on my cycle. I groaned as I put my bike and started prepping for a phone interview at 7 am which I would now have to do from home. After the interview, I decide to  fix the puncture on my own. The last time I took my bike to a workshop to get a puncture fixed, the repair guy had given me really funny looks. I was thwarted at the first step because I couldn't even get the wheel off with the cheap spanner from my puncture kit. I had to borrow my housemate's high tech repair kit to get the wheel off. Next obstacle: trying to get the tube off the tire. After that, trying to find the puncture, and failing. Full of disgust at myself and my situation, I took the wheel and rim to the nearest repair shop, which it turned out was not a repair shop but a guy working out of his shed, who was out walking his dog when I reached. After making me wait for 15 minutes, he took half an hour to fix the puncture. He was gobby and a typical man who is bad at multi-tasking,  so whenever he talked he stopped working. His services weren't cheap either. 

I finally made it to uni around 11 am but try as I might, I  couldn't focus and I had to write off today. To top off a bad day, I left my cauliflower sabzi simmering on the stove while I was hanging my washing, and forgot all about it. When I remembered half and hour later, I ran to the kitchen, afraid that there might have caused a small fire. I hadn't, and aside from the fact that I  would have to eat cauliflower puree for dinner, there was no damage.  Anyway, tomorrow is a new day, and with a new day, comes new hope. 

Be Like A Pangolin

In my old neighbourhood (it feels funny saying that) there was a giant graffiti of pangolin on the side of a house. A pangolin is a scaly mammal which rolls itself up into a ball when under threat. My current favourite yoga pose (although its not a recognized yoga pose, its one of Adrienne's inventions) is to roll myself up in a ball like a pangolin. The pangolin pose seems like a fitting response to my current stressful situation. Sometimes when under stress, the correct response is not make oneself big and formidable but small and unobtrusive. If life is going to throw you around, at least you are as well protected as you can be. Since one of the current stresses is due to a fall in my confidence due to a prick to my expansive ego, the pangolin pose also feels humble and salving. Humility and salvation is exactly what I need at this time. In fact, I would go far as to say that the pangolin pose is like to apply to more life situations than the lion pose. 

Taking Back Control

I had never thought I would title a blog with the slogan of the campaign for Britain to leave the EU. But, notwithstanding the fact that Brexit campaign leaders were wannabe fascists, feeling helpless and like a pawn of fate can be quite demoralizing. I am currently in a situation where I feel like I  am being tossed around by the waves in both my personal and professional lives. At such times, radical change is not always the answer, not least because one is not in the right frame of mind to dispassionately assess the possible outcomes of one's actions. Rather, ritualistic actions to show you have some control could be what is needed. Rituals have their place in life. Sometimes, the action itself is more important than the outcome of the actions. Sometimes, action--any action--helps and is better than doing nothing.

Conflict Avoidance

I go to considerable lengths to avoid conflict. The thing about studiously avoiding conflict is the resentment festers--and you also start to resent yourself for not speaking up. Often, avoiding conflict in cases of repeat offences is just kicking the can down the road. Once the can is far enough down the road, it explodes and leads to a bigger conflict than the one you were so keen to avoid. I know all this, but avoiding conflict in the short-term is just easier. And, one has to pick one's battles. Often, it is just easier to adjust to the annoying situation. 

Stiff Hamstrings

Today, I asked my yoga teacher what I could do about the stiffness in the ligaments behind  my knees. She said it was understandable as I had stiff harmstrings, and stiff hips. But, she added that my flexibility had improved a lot since I started attending her class.
I have been doing yoga for two and a half years and attending her weekly class for two. To be sure, I don't do yoga to make my body more flexible, I do it because it helps me relax. But, it would be good to have increased flexibility as a side effect, and for the length of time I have been doing yoga, I don't have much to show on that front. I had starting doing some exercises to stretch the ligaments behind my knees, but today my yoga teacher said those ligaments are not meant to be stretched. They are meant to stabilize the joints. Oops! My efforts to engineer more flexibility in specific joints need to stop, I suppose. 

Mental Toughness

I just read an article about mental toughness of endurance athletes. It defined toughness as "experiencing something that is subjectively distressing, and then leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take a thoughtful action that  aligns with your core beliefs. I quite agree with this definition. Toughness is not about charging through a tough situation no matter what the cost to your (or someone else's) body or mind. Sometimes toughness entails retreating to regroup or even abandoning the fight completely. As a fitness fanatic, it is the easiest thing in the world to push myself  through  a workout even when my body is protesting, and risking injury or sickness.
As someone who is facing a situation in my personal life where I am torn between persisting and retreating, I could use some mental toughness. My Dad is the toughest person I know and also one of the gentlest human beings you could encounter. I have never seen him fazed by a situation and his threshold for physical pain is the stuff of legends. He is immensely fortunate that he was born this way. The rest of us have to learn through facing the hard knocks of life, practicing techniques that help us cope with stress and reflecting.