Socially Acceptable

There is no logic to what is deemed as socially acceptable and what must be hidden from plain sight. For instance, stalls on Indian thoroughfares which sell underwear, which is displayed in all its glory. Men and women who have all appearances of being conservative and god-fearing feel no shame in examining and purchasing underwear on the street. Like in most things in life, women are more daring. Most of the shopkeepers are men but women buy from them without any apparent qualms. Also, I have seen women buying men's underwear at such stalls but never the other way around.
This evening, I went shopping for a friend who had asked for some traditionally styled handbags from India. In the beginning, I was feeling a little awkward about shopping for women's accessories. but the awkwardness disappeared once I got into the mission. I ended up visiting four shops before returning to the one I liked the most. One good thing about Bombay shopkeepers is that they are so foccussed on  the job at hand that they don't let trivialities like why is a man shopping for ladies' handbags get in the way of business. 

Death of Nail

I am happy to report that the big toe nail that was giving me trouble came off yesterday, and there were no blood or tears involved. Its passage was aided by regular baths in hot water. I was hoping it would come off before I returned to England, and I am glad it did.
I have reached that age where one has a reasonable idea of which body parts will give trouble in advanced age. My big toe nails are one of those, the other being my eyes, my right knee and my left lower back/hip. Even though none of these body assets are a major cause of concern yet, the hypochondriac in me gives them special attention, especially my eyes. So, its good to discover a tool to cope with one of them at least. Frequent baths in hot water keep nails clean and also help loosen those that have started to wobble. Troublesome toenails might not seem like, and are not, a major health issue  but they can be painful and throw your daily routines in disarray. I have extensive experience of trying to bathe without getting the dressing on my injured toenails wet, and it never gets easier. I was dreading the possibility of the toenail coming off in England, where winter is not completely out of the way. Leaving aside the fact that I am scared of any engagement with England's National Health service, there is also the problem of closed footwear not being conducive to large bandages. Yes, I think of the most minor of details, and, yes, I know its weird. But, it is what it is. 

Punching Down To Punch Up

As election season rages on, our Supreme Leader has added the title of "Chowkidar" (Watchman) to his name on Twitter. This act has deservedly earned a lot of ridicule. But, today I was watching a clip of a stand-up comedian taking a dig at the Supreme Leader by pointing out similarities between chowkidars and Narendra Modi, mainly how lazy and incompetent they both were.

I always feel uncomfortable when members of the middle- or upper classes complain or joke about the perceived laziness or unprofessionalism of the blue-collar service class, like maids, drivers, watchmen, etc. We pay them third-world wages and expect first-world levels of service and professionalism. The difference between white-collar and blue-collar service  wages in India is staggering, and it is this difference that allows upper middle-class families to employ a phalanx of maids, drivers, bearers, etc. Life in a city is rendered bearable by this arm of underpaid labour. 

Maybe I am being too harsh. But, I have found that living in India as an upper-caste, upper middle class male is a endless series of moral conundrums and guilt trips. When one lives here, one learns to unsee these conundrums because otherwise life would become an unbearable train of existential guilt and angst. 

However, the least we can do is not punch down on the people trying to eke out a meagre living by using them as a vehicle to punch up at the Supreme Leader. The Leader has a countless number of faults but being crass and unpolished is not one of them. Out of all the assaults he has carried out on the country and the people over the past few years, the assault on urban middle-class sensibilities matters the least. 

Tummy Travails

After holding up very well for a month and a half, my tummy has given way again. I am putting it down to the change in weather from balmy to steamy, and I hope its not an infection. As I have a bad habit of imagining the worst when it comes to my health, I have already been to hell and back. Chances are its just that the last couple of days have been a little stressful and I have been pushing myself hard while exercising. My body's way of telling me to lighten up? I hope so.
I had a niggling tummy upset for my first few weeks in India. I had dismissed it as acclimatization pains. Let's see what it is this time. If its one of those beastly tropical infections, the only consolation is I will be too enervated to feel bad about falling ill. The recovery period is often the most painful, especially if one has to be on a diet and restricted activity, but I am trying not to think about it. 
It never ceases to amaze me how I only fall sick when I have people around to take care of me. In Bristol for all of last year, I was the picture of pink health. Well, what will be will be. I have fallen sick like people do sometimes, I have imagined worst-case scenarios that would make anyone's hear curl. All is right with the world!

Change of Season

Its become noticeably warmer over the past few days. I knew I would catch the first few weeks of the Indian summer on this trip, but nothing can prepare one for the severity of it. A few days ago, a friend had quipped that summer was late this year. He spoke to soon, because it became noticeably hot the next day. In England, the onset of winter is heralded by the end of daylight savings time on the last Sunday of October.
I have learnt that it is best not to fight the change of seasons, but to adapt to it. In England, that means reducing my level of exercise activity as energy levels are noticeably lower in winter, even for a fitness freak like me. In the Indian summer, it also means reducing physical exertion as well as food intake. My appetite has taken a hit over the past few days, as hot weather make the digestive system sluggish.
In the age of climate change, summer throws up plenty of moral conundrums. Should I switch the AC on during the afternoon, or just at night? Should I get cooked in the local train or just take an Uber? The question is how much  inconvenience for the sake of slowing climate change is worth it.
In India, the conundrum effect is magnified by economic equality. A majority of Indians lack uninterrupted power supply, let alone airconditioning. Using AC is not only bad for the environment but also an implicit assertion of privilege, it could be argued.
But being too sanctimonious about these things can drive you crazy. 

Reasons For Being On a Dating App

What are the reasons for joining a dating app? I can think of three broad reasons--out of boredom, out of a need for self-validation or actually wanting to meet new people. One often start out wanting to meet new people and ends up bored and slightly addicted or anxiously seeking self-validation after having less success on the app than anticipated. And, that's not a good place to be. 'Liking' someone on an app just to see if they will like you back when you have no desire to interact with them starts to weigh on the heart. The pinpricks of rejections and the pops of validation start to add up, and it also seems so pointless and soul-wearying. Dating apps are not games--those are people on the other side of the app and while you don't owe them anything, neither do they deserve to be messed around. Some people might see unmatching with someone on a dating app as quite a benign act. But sensitive people are not good at taking or delivering rejection, which is why they have to be particularly careful. They carry the burdens of being rejected as well as those they have rejected. 

Which is why it helps if you selective. You can always change your mind about someone but when you feel like immediately unmatching people you have matched with, its not a good sign. Time to take a break from the dating app. 

Head Trouble

Today, I read an article by a famous Hollywood actress who suffered a brain aneurysm a few months after becoming famous for her role in an iconic TV show. A few years later, she suffered a second even more severe aneurysm. The article details her struggle, the excruciating pain, the fear of losing crucial mental faculties, the fear that death was just around the corner, all when her life dreams had started to come true. She came through and is perfectly healthy today.

Her story resonated with me, not because I have been through a serious illness or cheated death but because I am a bit of a hypochondriac when it comes to my health. I must confess that there have been times when I thought death was imminent, which feels embarrassing after reading this actor's story and her far more serious physical symptoms. But, the point of this post is not to beat myself up for having an anxious personality and overactive imagination. And symptoms like light-headedness and chest pain could be unnerving for many people.

The point of this blog post is to reflect on the connection between trauma and fortitude. The other day, I told my mother that a few people are emotionally resilient by nature and predisposed towards happiness, while most others have to work harder. Often, those of us in the second group undergo trauma, and it is in overcoming these circumstances that we develop strength and fortitude. Trauma is, so to speak, the furnace in which our spirits are tempered. After going through the furnace, the lesser problems in life,the forest fires if you will, seem much less daunting. 

I now wonder how much of this is true. Can one become strong and emotionally resilient even if one is of an anxious and sensitive disposition and hasn't experienced severe trauma, like cancer, or another debilitating mental or physical illness or death of a loved one? After all, don't strength and resilience in ordinary times manifest as kindness, empathy and contentment? What more can one do? Tragedies will come or not, whether we want them to or not and we may recover from them or not. One cannot change the past or will the future, so why not just make the best of the present?