Modi and Baba

This morning, I watched clips from the BBC documentary on Modi that promoted a raid on their office in Delhi and Mumbai today. The clip that stayed with me was his interview with the BBC journalist. I have to admit that his rude and menacing manner sent a chill up my spine, so I can only imagine what it must have been like for the journalist. No words can do justice to his loathsomeness, and this blog is not about him. As I was thinking about the interview in the evening, I suddenly thought of my Dad, who couldn't be more unlike Modi in his personality. Soft-spoken, mild-mannered, exuding warmth and empathy, but nobody's fool. The angel and the ghoul. If there are people like Modi in this world, there are also people like Baba. And, that is heartening to know. 

Last Few Days in 46 Romney Avenue

When I finalised my house move, I thought I would somewhat savour my last few days in this house. Its definitely been more comfortable than my last house in Bristol, my landlady is a dear, and the price is unbeatable. I thought I would savour the view of the meadow while sipping my evening tea, for instance.  But, the truth is I can't wait to move. My housemates still get on my nerves as much as they did when I was looking for a place. I keep telling myself that in another few days, I won't have to see or even think of them ever again, but, by God, do they make it difficult to feel charitably towards them. I do feel that I have been quite unlucky with housemates, but I admit that its not all them. I think I am too old to live like a student any more. Put three amazing housemates with me, and I am sure I would still have had problems with them. In any case, this change is long overdue and there is no point in looking back. 

Meet-Up Walk

 I was in two minds whether to go to today's meet-up walk. And, the journey to the starting point of the walk was also eventful. I underestimated how long it would take me to finish cooking, so I ended up leaving 15 minutes late. it didn't help that the route was much less straightforward than google maps would have me believe, and I ended up getting lost several times. And, getting lost on a dual carriageway is a completely different kettle of fish than getting lost in a city, where you can just pull over on to a pavement and check googlemaps. On a dual carriageway, you have to pull over on a grassy, muddy verge. and, then when I realised I was headed in the wrong direction, there was no way to turn back because I would have to cross four lanes of traffic. Never have I been more afraid of getting run over. But, I did manage to cross the road, and I did manage to reach the starting point (which had also been changed at the last minute due to a hike in parking fees). All in all, I was glad I went. My main purpose was to get way from the bad vibes of my house. Soon, I will be out of here, and I won't have to worry about bad vibes from my housemates. I also found myself feeling less pressured to talk to make conversation. My strategy is to smile a lot so as to not appear unfriendly, even if I come across as shy. I am not shy (except when it comes to talking to pretty women). I just can't be bothered to make small talk. But, this is a warm and jolly group, even if we don't have loads to talk about, so I don't think I mind seeing them once in a while. 

Scabbing

 During the last strikes, I had made up my mind that I would never scab again. Yesterday, was the first of 18 days of strikes scheduled over the next months. And, I did scab again. I felt ashamed that I didn't participate, especially since I could hear the singing and the chants from the pickets. Maybe this is a cop-put but I didn't want to be the only one striking from my department, even though I know I am not going to be here after my contract runs out next summer, and I am doing my damndest to leave before that. I frequently seem to find myself among people who are from the opposite side of the political spectrum. During my six years in financial journalism, I was among people who economically conservative. During engineering, I didn't ask people their views but I am sure they skewed right. And, now, at the economics department at Bristol Uni. But just like I would never go to a protest alone, I don't like striking alone. I am not a trail-blazer or an instinctive rabble-rouser, and I am not going to feel guilty about that. 

House Viewing

 I had a good feeling about the house and my future housemate and it turned out that I was right. He is a shy Brit of my mother's age, and he was a bit awkward before we started talking. I think I will get along well with him, My only reason for hesitation is logistical. The rooms are bit smaller than I would have liked and its a bit further out than I would have liked. Damn these former council houses. So it might turn out that I have to do yoga in the sitting room instead of in my bedroom. And, I might have to significantly reduce the stuff I have, which might not be a bad thing. I have to admit that I am much much more comfortable in this house than I was at John's house. My room is a good size and I have a good amount of storage space for my stuff.  I don't want to overthink this one. The best part about being a renter is the ability and willingness to up and leave whenever you want to have to. I am not going to grow old in this home, and as far as I can tell, it will be a significant improvement over my current living situation. 

On Mental Toughness

I have long believed that some people are born resilient, such as my father, and to a lesser extent my sister. But all hope is not lost for those of us who are not similarly blessed. I read an article on mental toughness the other day. According to it, mental toughness has three components--the existence of tough goals, self-efficacy (the belief that you can reach those goals) and self-control (the ability to resist unhelpful impulses). Self-control can be improved by mindfulness techniques and self-efficacy by positive self-talk. I have long wished to be tougher mentally so I am all ears for any suggestions to improve mental toughness. I think I do quite well on the self-control part but set tougher goals and also do better with self-talk. I don't want to be too hard on myself. My recently concluded PhD saw me miss almost deadline and finish with a PhD that I am not happy with. But a key aspect of mental toughness is the ability to brush off failures and look ahead, not behind.  

First House Viewing in Ages

 I had my first house viewing today, and although I knew I would probably not take the house, in the end, the decision took more thought than I had anticipated. The house was in Redland, a little more worse for wear than the pictures indicated, but not too shabby. A huge bedroom and I would be sharing with just one other person. This evening, I was hit by a momentary pang of regret for turning it down. So, I am going to try to unpack why I turned it down. Firstly, my tummy was not in a good shape yesterday. and I had started googling the cost of private coloscopies. Because they were so expensive, I had looked up prices of flights to India, and figured out how I could fly home for a short period in the middle of the term. I thought I should pause my house hunt till my tummy was tummy issues were sorted. Secondly, I don't like the location, although I should add that this part of town is where the houses with the large rooms are. Thirdly, I found the landlady a bit weird. She loved me, but I got the impression that getting her to fix anything would be a pain. Maybe it was a mistake to turn it down, but I just couldn't go ahead with it. While my stomach is better today, maybe I need to pause my house hunt, until I feel more settled in my head and in my body.