Message Response Time

 I used to be someone who responds to messages immediately, but not any more. I started prolonging my responses to people who take ages to respond, and that habit is starting to seep through into all my communication. At first, I would be annoyed by people who didn't respond quickly but not any more. Some people are busier amd have more active social life than others, and as my social activity ahs picked up, I can appreciate that it is not difficult to fall behind on responding to messages. Responding to messages too fast can put pressure o the opposite person to keep up, and I am warming to the slower pace of communication. And in some cases, responding to quickly can encourage even more unwanted messages. 

Inadequate Supervision

 I had a meeting with a dissertation supervisee this afternoon which had echoes of my interactions with my PhD supervisor. He said he was not satisfied with his work and agreed with my criticism but did not know how to proceed. He seemed to imply that my feedback had pointed out the faults in his work but not given him enough guidance to improve. I remember feeling exactly the same way about my supervisor's feedback and struggling to understand what she expected from me. But, what I have come to realise is she didn't expect anything specific except rigorous research and carefully argued conclusions. Her job, and now my job, is not to issue specific directions but simply provide feedback on the rigour of the work and the presentation of its ideas. Research is a step (however tiny) into the unknown. Sometimes one lands on their feet, sometimes one falters or falls. In the latter cases, it is natural to try to pin blame, either on oneself or on others. But, the fact is that sometimes research does not go according to plan and/or to one's satisfaction, and one should have the humility to accept that.  

Airport Blog With A Difference

 I have a fondness for airport blogs, as reader(s) of this blog would know, but this is a blog with a difference because this time I am not waiting for a flight. I am sitting at an airport restaurant after bidding adieu to my parents returning to India after a three-week trip. I haven't blogged since they arrived because blogging requires space and solitude and I haven't had much of either in the past few weeks. I know I sound like a curmudgeon when I say that, but I am not bitter. I am simply stating a fact, and it was a welcome change from my daily life, which gives me plenty of time and opportunity for reflection. My parents' visit was not without potholes, but those potholes were to do with third parties and not the three of is. My only regret is that I don't drive, as that would have reduced the length of time that we spent with third-parties. Aside from that, there was  lot of fodder for blogging, which I will chew over in the coming weeks. All and all, it was a good visit and I may have discovered a new hobby--fell-running! Although I am not much of a runner, I ran almost every day in the past few weeks. As I was travelling with four seniors, some of whom are not in good shape, running gave me a good workout. Good workout=a sense of achievement + less restlessness + less impatience + more appetite. And, food and the tensions surrounding food choices was a big theme of the last leg of our trip. So, I think I am definitely going to write separate blogs on one's relationship with food and on running. 

Dating Casually

I have written before about the need to change the vocabulary of online dating and to stop using terms that treat it like a game., That was five years ago, pre-Covid, pre-cost-of-living-crisis and when climate catastrophe was a distinct possibility but not staring us in the face. Since then the world of online dating seems to have become more fraught, and harder to navigate if you are a sensitive soul who gets easily attached. What do I mean by that? People seem to have become more fickle, its more common to have nice conversations end abruptly for no apparent reason and everyone seems to be suffering from dating fatigue. So, today's post is about casually and whether it is a good strategy (strategy is a word I use consciously). The concept of casual dating is now new and could mean various things. It could be taking things very slowly and keeping the option of seeing other people open. If you choose that option, being upfront about it. The goal of casual dating may be to meet the person you want to commit to. It could also be a precursor to ethical non-monogamy, which is a concept I am curious about, even though I don't think its for me. You may or may not be sleeping with the people you are dating casually, but sex and romance are still on the cards--these are not platonic relationships even if they might turn into that in the future. Casual dating seems to be a good choice for emotionally resilient people with a full life, who desire a high degree of autonomy. But, is it a good choice for sensitive souls who get attached very easily as a way to not get too attached to a single person? To hedge their bets, as a crude as the term sounds? I increasingly think so. There is, of course, no excuse for dishonesty or mind games. But, aren't sensitive souls incapable of mind games, even if they can end up hurting people without meaning to do so? 

Kohhra

I just watched a TV series, Kohhra, which was a searing depiction of hypermasculinity and the violence it wreaks in the lives of men and women alike. I am not for a moment suggesting that patriarchy hurts men as much as women. It obviously hurts women more. But, the difference between hypermasculine cultures and other patriarchal cultures is there is lot of violence by men against men in the former in addition to violence by men against women, which is a feature of all patriarchal cultures. To be sure, there are plenty of ways that the patriarchy destroy lives without resorting to outright violence. But, I do feel that men, especially upper-caste men, have it much better in non-hypermasculine cultures as there is much more tolerance for departing from the masculine norm. The particular culture depicted is celebrated in the popular culture for its chivalry and sense of public service, so this was as a useful corrective. The line between being protective towards women and controlling women is a thin one. So, was it all doom and gloom? No. People rebel against repressive cultures for the freedom to live their lives as they please, to love whomever they wish, at the risk of losing their limbs or even lives. 

What I also appreciated about the series is its depiction of police violence in India against suspects, and how routine custodial torture is. I have never been at the receiving end of it and likely will never be due to my privileged position. But, I have seen enough to know that its routine. The time I saw a cop slap a truck driver just because he was parked in the wrong place; my visit to a police station where I saw a man trembling with pain and covered in bruises being led away in handcuffs. And, the time when I rode with a police patrol as part of a journalism assignment  and accompanied them on "raids" whose only purpose was to harass migrant workers by landing up at their lodges in the middle of the night, waking them up in the middle of the night and demanding to know their names and why they were there. In most TV series, police violence is glamorised, but not in this one. 

Gruesome Videos

 Today was the day I stumbled upon not one, not two but three gruesome videos on social media. I am not going to describe them because they are the best forgotten. All I am going to say the video of a man punch, knockdown and kick a Just Oil Protestor in the head was the least disturbing of the lot. I have always thought that I have a strong stomach, but the most gruesome video shook me badly. I have nothing else to say. I am just going to be careful not to wander into the nether regions of social media again. 

Jabeur's Implosion

I just watched Ons Jabeur lose her second consecutive single's final. It was not a close well-fought match as Jabeur pretty much choked. Before the match, they play pre-recorded interviews with the players. Vondrousava was confident on the verge of cocky, and didn't even mention her opponent once. She seems like a cool cat--was not even seeded, she doesn't even have a sponsor, her husband is at home taking care of the the cat. Jabeur was a bundle of nerves. Apparently, she has been working with a sports psychologist to build her nerves. At one point in the interview, she appeared to repeat her affirmations, "Whatever happens, I love myself and accept myself". She also said she has been working on her self-talk. I am not going to deign to compare myself with an elite athlete, but I also have an anxious personality and I have also choked in the few competitive games of badminton I played at the school level. I remember one particular game when I was playing with a much weaker opponent whose only decent shot was a jump smash. All I had to do was serve low and play near the net, but I imploded. It felt like I was fighting myself and losing, almost like an act of self-harm. Having a match slip out of your fingers and watching yourself go down without a fight is a pretty shitty feeling even in a school match, so I can't even imagine what its like in a Wimbledon final. It can often seem unfair that some people are born with emotional resilience and others have to work hard and work constantly at it. But, thus is life and bad luck can come in far worse forms.